Christmas 2021: Hope vs Kids

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Now that it is the fifth day of Christmas… I finally have a moment to write about the Christmas that was Christmas 2021. 

There is always such hope surrounding Christmas. Hope for good things in the world, for blessings for those we love, for peace and joy and love to prevail. Hope for the things that we care about, that make our Christmases what we want them to be, to be able to happen. The food, the decorations, the excitement, the surprises.

This Christmas I was hoping to do so much for Glenn and the girls, and for my parents and Glenn’s dad and his family in Ireland. I had hopes for Christmas crafts, decorations throughout our home, a clean and tidy and organised place, Christmas baking. I planned to crochet a rug for E. Sew her a stuffed toy. Sew a stuffed toy for C. Make ornaments from clay and paper. Make thoughtful presents for C’s daycare teachers.

Buuuuut kids. 2022 Me needs to remember a few things. Learn from the experience of 2021 Me.

Just because you have a 3-year-old who LOVES craft and LOVES Christmas, doesn’t mean she will ‘be in the zone for that’ when you have opportunity to do things. Your visions of Pinterest-worthy garlands and wreaths and teacher gifts and decorations may well remain visions. The paddle-pop stick with cotton wool balls and pipe cleaners and googly eyes that you made into a snowman might, however, become a treasured toy. Go figure.

Just because you suddenly have both girls in daycare for a couple of days a week in the lead-up to Christmas – well, remember the whole daycare immunity thing? Surely it’s a law of physics or biology or something that kids in daycare will be sick, too sick to go anywhere at all, at some point in December. At the most inconvenient time. And, probably, share it around so you end up feeling atrocious yourself. Too exhausted for anything, just barely making it through the days and hoping you have a skerrick of energy somewhere to do the things that absolutely must be done before Christmas to make Christmas still Christmas for two little girls.

Just because you have grand ideas to sew beautiful, coordinating clothes for your children, or sew hair bands, or stuffed toys, or the shirt you’ve been promising your husband for 6 months, or even the dress you’ve been hoping to sew for yourself, doesn’t mean you will have a moment to yourself in the evenings to contemplate the sewing machine. 2022 Me could maybe just try to make those things as we go and not put so much pressure on Christmas.

Speaking of which, 2022 Me needs to remember the ‘be kind to yourself’ mantra that was Christmas 2021. Yes, it’s nice to have a clean and tidy and organised home but if you’re barely able to stay awake, go for the more important things. Like wrapping the Christmas presents. (Ahem – wrap the presents earlier. Like you used to. Remember? Attach notes securely. This year was just too stressful and late.) You may want to insist on baking Christmas goodies even if the weather is typically Brisbane summer steaminess but apparently Santa was quite happy with the ice cream you offered this year so maybe don’t stress too much about baking. And yes, 2021 Me feels quite smug about all the presents bought during the year and how much it reduced stress in December and 2022 Me could do well to remember this and yes, realise that you’ve turned into one of THOSE people. 

2022 Me will hopefully also remember the absolute joy of children finding stockings that now have magical presents in them (underpants! A hat! A toothbrush! A FIDGET POPPER IT’S A RAINBOW UNICORN AND E HAS A MATCHING ONE HERS IS A BUTTERFLY THEY HAVE THESE AT DAYCARE I LOVE THEM!) And wondering at the magic of Santa and how he manages to get through our balcony door and just how does he know that C likes Frozen and unicorns and how does he know E likes bath toys? And dancing to Christmas music and eating yummy food and watching the Christmas lights blink and watching snow globes swirl and watching a Christmas movie up late as a huge treat. And finding gifts for special people that they delight in receiving as much as you delight in giving, and receiving beautiful and thoughtful gifts from others.

2022 Me will hopefully also make it to church. 2021 Me hasn’t made it, is still very anxious about taking children who are too young to be vaccinated anywhere, but is also really missing church and the community it brings and the spiritual food found therein. 2021 Me is quite aware how much the rhythm of life is influenced and guided by the rhythm of church life, and Christmas and Easter are far hollower, and harder to find joy in, without the religious basis for them.

2021 Me is also secretly hoping that the girls will be old enough to play by themselves (or together, without disaster) when Christmas 2022 is here. This was exhausting and I could have easily napped from about 10am. Yes, I am very impressed with myself for holding out until crashing into bed at 9:30pm but a nap would be nice next time, ok? Ok.

I’m Calling Santa

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Before I had kids, I was one of THOSE people. ‘Oh, I’m never going to do the elf on the shelf thing, or letters to Santa, or tell my kids they had better behave or Santa won’t come’. And then I had a 2-year-old. ‘Ok, C, it’s time to go home. Yes it really is. I gave you warnings and a timer and now it is time to go home. No? Ok I’m just calling Santa to let him know – oh you’re coming? What a good choice.’ 

This turned around one day when playing outside and I was the one not doing what C wanted me to do. She whipped out her imaginary phone, told me she was just calling Santa, and walked away in a wonderful impression of a harried adult on a phone call, saying ‘hello, Santa? Yes it’s C here. So. I asked mummy if we could play burger shop but she said no, there were too many ants where we were going to play… hm… yes… hm… just thought you’d want to know’. All while I was trying my hardest not to crack a smile or burst out laughing.

Last year, it felt like I ‘called Santa’ most days. In an attempt at balance, I did try to call to tell him when she behaved wonderfully too, but they seem to have been rather outweighed by the less good behavioural updates.

This year, though, has been different. Delightfully different. It was the middle of November when I noticed C was behaving beautifully, all day. Helpful, cooperative, kind, caring. Nothing was said about the whole Christmas approaching thing, but there was a little ding in my brain that night saying, maybe she knows Christmas is starting to approach. And we have had beautiful behaviour from her … well, more than not. So that’s an improvement on last year, anyway. (She hasn’t been very well this last week so behaviour has suffered accordingly, but most of the time has been lovely.) And it has just taken the occasional ‘do I need to call Santa?’ for a sudden change to a much better choice of behaviour to occur. 

There have still been a number of intended calls and messages to Santa, though. ‘I’m just going to watch something while you’re getting E to have a nap if that’s ok mummy?’ Or ‘You don’t mind if I watch something while you have a nap do you mummy?’ Actually, I do mind- ‘NOOOOO’ oh that’s ok, I’ll just call Santa and let him know not to come here at Christmas ‘NOOOO’ well there’s no point is there? You have so many toys but if you don’t want to play with any, why should he bring you any more? ‘Ok ok I’ll play with my toys’. And what do you know, she will happily spend hours and hours putting her babies (small plush toys) to sleep and giving them tea parties and building space ships with magnets and doing interpretive dance to iconic 80s hits and painting pictures of the night and writing love letters to Shaun the Sheep. 

I suppose Santa might be welcome to come after all. That said, last year she wanted a football. A football fits easily in a normal size stocking. This year, she wants a wheelbarrow, so she can wheel her toys around. I’m not sure if Santa can actually fit one of those in his sleigh… 

What We Read This Week (Relief)

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Since my last ‘what we read’ post, I have read Sleepytime many, many times. Every night for nearly 2 weeks, 1-3 times. There were many cuddles. What I especially loved was that C would start saying the Bingo and Floppy lines, then the whole second half of the book.

And then, one night, she started taking every single book off the bookshelf. What are you doing? I’m looking for my favourite book.

I had a feeling I knew which one it was. But I tried to deflect. Nursery rhymes? No. Bluey? No. Katie Morag? No, Cat in the Hat! Not the fish one!

We don’t have Cat in the Hat. She meant Fox in Socks. Such a tongue twister for a tired mummy. I do love the tweetle beetles, though.

So for a few nights I had to stumble my way through that, with C giggling uncontrollably whenever I made an error and did a raspberry. 

Then it was the daycare Christmas party, with a visit from Santa! (Although she’s not sure this was the actual real life Santa, the glasses were the wrong shape, and the beard…). And Santa gave her a present! A book! It is, of course, now her favourite book. Such a relief from the tongue twisters. It is called the River Riddle and is an illustrated version of the river riddle, where you have a boat, a person, a fox, a sheep, and hay. Her favourite part? There’s singing! (That is, music notes on the page). So MY favourite bit is when she shows me this bit by acting it out. Gold.

It’s Time to Talk About Bluey

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[Season 3 is mentioned but no spoilers!]

I’ve mentioned before how much our family loves Bluey. Honestly, this could be a Bluey Appreciation blog. We love it. There are oodles of Bluey items in our home already and more will be added at Christmas. 

We wouldn’t have so much though if we didn’t love the show, in so many ways. And this is the only show that everyone loves. There are some shows that C adores… and we can’t stand. Some that C adores and I enjoy but Glenn can’t stand. Bluey, though – well, Glenn watches it when no-one else is around. 

I could (and probably will, in bits, eventually), list at length all the ways we love the show. But Season 3 is hitting all the right notes. Every single episode has me laughing or crying or cheering or all three.

Today I want to write about Mum. I am both a lot like her, and aspire to be like and take inspiration from her. I love my own Mum, and have learnt so much from her (admittedly, some of it in hindsight); however, sometimes it’s easier to learn something when it’s presented differently. Like, in cartoon dog form.

I’ve learnt from Mum (Chilli) that tone of voice matters. ‘What are you doing?’ can sound very different when asked with different tones. And, accordingly, engender different responses and different deeper reactions from little ones. My natural manner is a very suspicious, let’s cut this off before it escalates, I don’t think this is going to end well, tone. If I was asked in this tone, I would probably feel guilty whether I was playing quietly with building blocks or climbing where I shouldn’t climb and looking where I know I shouldn’t. But if I channel Mum in the Bingo episode, everything changes. I have asked in that curious tone and received all sorts of responses. From ‘ooh mummy can I show you something, I’m just building a house for us, it has a bed here…(etc)’ to a furtive bump as she slides off something she should not have been on, looking at something she should not have been looking at, before telling me ‘I was just looking at…’ or ‘mummy watch this!!!’ What is said is important, but the way it is said is just as important. Especially for young ones.

I’ve learnt from her that I’m not the only mum who gets frustrated. ‘Sticky Gecko’, anyone? It was a long time before I actually saw that episode start to finish. It never seemed to be a top choice, but once I’d seen it – well. (And it has so much in it for C too – mostly, that it’s ok to be a bit nervous about seeing a friend.) I think many mums feel validated by this episode. If we arrive at the park a bit late for a play date, I know I can say ‘sorry, we were having a sticky gecko morning’ and the other mum will nod with understanding. The extra element in this episode for me though, is that Chilli doesn’t stay in the frustrated mum character zone (as many shows would have her); nor is she a calm and patient angelic character who never bats an eyelid. Instead, she feels her feelings and then also finds out what her girls are feeling. A huge lesson for me.

And I’ve learnt from her that it’s ok to be fun. Mums are so often the boring parent, who make sure teeth are cleaned and laundry is done and floors are cleaned and tables wiped and dishes done and homework done and hair is brushed and bedtime is observed. It can be exhausting. So when we watched ‘Rain’ the other day, I had a similar reaction to when I watched ’Sleepytime’ for the first time. Starting off with laughter but, before too long, tears in my eyes. Although C is often very much like Bingo, the interactions between Mum and Bluey in this episode are so, so much like my interactions with C. It sounds weird – but also perfectly normal – to say that watching ‘Rain’ was like watching my life in cartoon dog form. I just hope I can remember to get my feet wet more often.

Another Concert

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Last week, it came to our attention that my brother (a cellist) was giving a joint cello-violin recital this afternoon. At a location easy for us to get to. At a time that was perfect for us. We decided we would try to go, barring any illness. And we went!

I’m not sure if it’s more the pandemic, or we are really introverted, or having two young children is hard, really hard, but getting out as a family is rare for us. It feels like such a major achievement.

E still has a reaction along the lines of whaaaaaat are we doing who are these people why are they all coming up close and smiling and tickling my toes…..? But when she was settled in daddy’s arms, she was very much into it all. She kept straining to see the music, and ate her afternoon tea like a little bird while turning to the people behind us and giving them little looks that told me that they thought she was adorable.

C was very excited about the whole thing, especially excited to be seeing Uncle Alex and Auntie Alys, and to be wearing a special twirly dress with ruffles, and to be catching a train and going to a concert. However… when we arrived, we saw Uncle Alex (this was fine), and then Sue who I’ve known for years and knows C from when she was a baby but hasn’t seen since, and then Allana who we’ve known for years and met C a couple of times when she was a baby but hasn’t seen since, then Auntie Alys (this was also fine). By the time we sat down, she was a bit overwhelmed. 

I was expecting our screeching baby to screech and need to be taken outside, so I told C she could go outside with me any time. She wanted to go outside straight away. I made her stay in for a little bit and then – after a Bach prelude and an Ysaÿe sonata – took both girls outside.

It turned out that C was ‘a bit nervous’ around all those people. I did reassure her that, even though they were all delighted to see her, they were now all sitting down watching the concert. Even so, she thought outside was a better option.

And who could blame her? Chairs can be so restrictive. Outside was lovely grass and a flowering poinciana tree and a chicken and a ramp and we could still hear the concert. She ran around and investigated the chicken hutch and looked up through the tree at the sky and looked under the hall and went up and down the ramp. E had a wonderful time playing with the grass then ‘walking’ over the grass and, yes, trying to eat the grass.

And although we couldn’t stay for the whole concert, I feel like we had a wonderful afternoon. It was the perfect outing. 

Settling In (C vs. E)

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A huge milestone in our family this week: E started settling in to daycare. And this experience has, so far, been wildly different from when C began. 

C had been looked after by Glenn or my parents once I went back to work. When she was 10 months, we realised that was no longer feasible and we needed childcare, as soon as possible. Her settling in was a little play there the afternoon before she had to be in for a full day.

E has been looked after primarily by me which is easier because, thanks to all sorts of things, I do what I can to work from home. But if Glenn is looking after her while I’m trying to work in her sight, she screeches for me. I was beginning to realise that we needed childcare, soonish but not urgently but maybe we should start the process. 

C loves people, has always made people smile, and will say a cheery hello to random people we pass in the street. I was not at all worried about her starting daycare from a social point of view.

E does not love people. If someone looks at her a bit too closely, she cries. I was worried – I am still worried – about her starting daycare from a social point of view. Even though she has seen the staff nearly every week, she has also cried at them nearly every week. I am anticipating a few weeks for settling in.

C was a terrible sleeper. Fed to sleep for ages. I was very, very worried about her starting daycare from a naps point of view. After a few days and conversations with her teacher (yes, actually, I know it’s a short nap but please please please wake her up from her morning nap otherwise she just will refuse to sleep at lunch have you noticed that because I notice that and then bedtime is atrocious), things settled down and I didn’t worry quite so much.

E has been a dream in comparison. Not entirely – there have been days that have been horrible – but so much easier. Refuses to be fed or even held to sleep. Must be lying down. I am not worried about her starting daycare from a naps point of view. And sure enough, she has napped exactly when I said I wanted her to nap. Her teachers are amazed that she wakes right on 9:30.

The night before C’s first day, I was madly trying to name all her things and she refused to go to sleep. It was rather stressful.

The night before E’s first day, she slept beautifully. Until 4:30 or so and by 4:45 she was screeching for me to wake up. Not fun, but it did mean she was definitely very ready for that morning nap.

When we dropped C off for her first day, I cried. I was so worried, and scared for her, and wondering if I had done the right thing. One of the staff assured me they were all highly trained and most of them had children of their own. When I recognised that it is their job, they’re actually better equipped to do this than I am, it made it a whole lot easier.

I had no such qualms with E. I was a little sad the night before and gave her extra extra cuddles, but I was in a totally different headspace. I know the staff are going to look after her. I know C can go for little visits (which they both love, no surprises there). I know it is good for E to experience different carers and other children and new toys and messy play that someone else gets to clean up. I know it will make the next few years easier as she goes through these pre-school years with the same children and carers, and I get that time to work, to earn money, to have time away so I can come back refreshed with all the cuddles and kisses of I miss you.

St Andrew’s Day

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Such a big deal is made out of St Patrick’s Day. And I know, everyone loves the Irish – I even married one. But I try to make Scotland’s day, St Andrew’s Day, just as important in the rhythm of our life. 

In previous years I have made raspberry Cranachan, and Scottish sausage rolls (at least, that’s what the recipe called them). This year we are in the midst of the baby screeching phase and the 3-year-old needing me in her bedroom the whole time until she falls asleep phase so my efforts were limited. I had ideas to make handprint Scottish thistles and cotton wool Scottish flags but C was ‘not really in the zone for that’.

So this year was the year we celebrated the national animal of Scotland: the unicorn. You can’t really pass up an opportunity to make unicorn cupcakes.

The cupcakes were made Monday afternoon, mixed at the dining table while E had her afternoon tea. The decorations were also made at the dining table, while E had her lunch today. There was much wheedling from C to taste just a teeny tiny incy wincy smallest ever piece of fondant… she may have snuck a few specks while I was looking the other way. She also tried to eat the bit of fondant that she was using but that was a very hefty chunk that oh just makes me queasy thinking about it. Ugh. The icing was made and cupcakes finally decorated after lunch.

This was our first time making unicorn cupcakes. Next time I will make sure we leave the fondant to set fully (normally we do any shapes the day before). And next time I will make sure to find my actual piping bag with actual attachments instead of using a sandwich bag with a hole cut in the side. It just isn’t the same. 

Advent Sunday

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We love Christmas. C LOVES it. When the Christmas decorations went up in our local shopping centre on November 1 she was over the moon. 

Our family tradition (as in, what I was brought up with and brought to our family) is to put up the Christmas decorations on Advent Sunday. C wanted to do this straight after breakfast but OH that’s when we watch the new Bluey and then I take E for a walknap and then actually I need to find new homes for some things. We have a lot of glass jugs and vases and bottles and they ALL live where the Christmas tree goes (on top of the dresser, because, kids).

Thankfully, E settled easily for her lunch nap and slept a respectable amount of time. New homes were found for all the things, but it was still not until after afternoon tea that we managed to go down to the garage to collect the tree and decorations.

Now, I know some families are really precious about the tree and decorations. And honestly, having seen some of the results, I can understand this. But I’ve always been fairly happy to let C help as much as she wants with guidance where necessary. This year was notably different from last year: C was much more aware of balance, and hanging space underneath, and her ability to attach an ornament (and even to unwrap it carefully from a box) was much greater than last year, and her reach – well, she’s very tall. And this was all extremely helpful especially when we had reached E’s limit and she needed to be held close to the interesting events taking place and so I couldn’t do anything at all to help and so it was all up to C. 

I am pleased to report that no ornaments were broken or damaged in the process, and no arguments were had over placement of ornaments. C desperately wants to see the Christmas lights flashing but she’ll have to be patient and see that in the morning. (It’s daddy’s job and he just hasn’t had time yet.)

Apart from Christmas lights, we also have the nativity set to put out, and there are plans afoot for more crafting. My favourite!

There is so much I have loved this year. Seeing C doing her best to carry the tree in its box as far up the stairs as she could. Watching C’s face light up with the sparkly ornaments, the pretty ones, the funny ones – an Olaf with kicky legs! A daddy sheep! As well as the violin ones, the sparkly ones, the beautiful ones. Watching E wonder at this new thing and reaching out to try to touch and feel and explore. Knowing that this Christmas in just a few weeks will be special like no other.

In Praise of the Starlight Room

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Tuesday was huge: E was due for a checkup at the hospital. I love the Queensland Children’s Hospital. I mean, I’d rather not have to go there ever again, but as we have had to go and will continue to need to go, I love it.

Not just for its proximity, or the quality of staff, or the abundance of volunteers ready to help you out at the first furrowed brow of confusion or eyes glazed in shock.

My favourite thing about the QCH is the Starlight Room. Without it, our trips to the hospital would be diabolical. 

This is a room that recognises that children still need to play. That they need to have the normality of toys, of a big window to see the world, a room with lady birds and bumble bees to ride on, and shopping trolleys to push and pretend to play shops with, and cars and dolls and hula hoops, and tables with craft and colouring in and drawing.

This is a room that recognises that children need a break from hospital beds and hospital staff and the gravity of a situation that lands a child in hospital. A room that recognises that not all children at the hospital are patients, and siblings need just as much care and attention. 

This is a room that recognises that parents need a break, or time to focus on the child who is the patient and not worry about where any other child is and if it’s bad that they’re plugged into a tablet or trying to play with all the cords they can see.

This is a room that recognises that there’s a lot of waiting at hospitals. And although you may *know* that there’s the possibility of a 2-3 hour wait for the appointment, no one ever thinks it will really take that long so only prepares a trip for a 9-month-old and a 3-and-a-half-year-old involving maybe a half hour wait. Helloooooo, Starlight Room.

I admit, several times throughout this year I have used the Starlight Room as an incentive. C needs to be well in order to be allowed in, so a good sleep is in order. Even if I’m pushing for that sleep to happen a few months in advance. You can’t convince us you need to stay home from daycare then be expected to have a visit to the Starlight Room.

Tuesday was a bit different. Instead of me saying we’re off to the hospital and C responding with ‘yay that means I go to Starlight Room!’ this time she wasn’t so sure. A bit nervous. We reassured her that she didn’t have to go, she could stay with us in the waiting area. And she did, for a bit. She sat on my lap and we read stories while Glenn walked E around. But after about 30 minutes of this she said maybe she’d changed her mind. Ugh.

So I checked with the receptionist who was really sorry about the wait until I told her this was perfect. With the promise of a phone call when E’s time was approaching, off we went to the Starlight Room. Instead of leaving her be as we have in the past, this time we stayed with C a bit. A relaxing sit as E looked at all these other children and had some lunch. An interesting experience watching C playing in this kind of environment, needing to share with other children who maybe don’t have the social skills she has, but also in an environment in which all children are a little or a lot not their usual self. I let E have a little wander and she enjoyed the bumble bee (well, eating the little knob that is a handle) then crawling on a new surface, and finally some sensory play. 

By the time we decided we needed to go back downstairs to see how much longer we may need to wait (it was now past her nap time and E gets *cranky*), C was definitely settled in. I tried to tell her we were going and I think she heard me but she was wearing a tiara with a veil and trying to get a remote control car to work so there was little response. And I’m pretty sure the only reason she came with us when we collected her later was the promise of pizza. Win.

I’m thinking we need to make a donation to the Starlight Foundation. The amount of craft that we have around our place from her various visits – a ‘cake’, a collage, a feathery jellyfish creation – is one thing (and so much appreciated by our craft-loving girl), but the very existence of this oasis in the hospital is so very wonderful. It has made our hospital trips and our life so, so much easier.

What We Read This Week (We Love Bluey)

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Until Sunday, I was thinking C would pick One Woolly Wombat or the Nursery Rhyme Book as her favourite book this week. They were, after all, read more than once each.

But then Monday happened. New Bluey. Quick visit from grandparents (my parents). And my mum loves providing drawing materials and reading materials, so there was a trip to the store for a new drawing pad and C’s choice of new book. She saw Bluey: Sleepytime (my absolute favourite episode) and wanted me to read it to her there. I read the first page then realised I may end up reading half the book section to her before lunch so… her new book is Bluey: Sleepytime (Joe Brumm). Read right after purchase by my parents while I did some extra shopping. Excitedly shown to daddy when we got home and read by him. Read by me for bedtime story, and again, then again while she was in bed. Read by me again tonight for bedtime story along with loads of questions about all sorts of aspects of the story. It is her favourite. It is my favourite. 

I could write at length about the amazingness that is the Sleepytime episode, or my reactions when first watching it. And maybe I shall but not just yet. We love the music and listened to it on the weekend (very proud mummy here when C recognised the Jupiter music as the music from Sleepytime). And there is that bit, that bit that always makes me cry after all the humour and emotion and the buildup and then it all tumbles out. They put that in the book of course and I tear up trying to read it, every time.

Remember, I’ll always be here for you. Even if you can’t see me. Because I love you.