A Comparison of Sleep

March 1, 2023January 30, 2025 / annamurray / Leave a comment

Things that make me laugh: an inexhaustive list.

My husband impersonating one of our girls.

C doing a funny walk.

E telling me she hasn’t played in the sandpit at daycare when I now have sand all over the parts of me that just gave her a cuddle when picking her up.

S chuckling as we tickle her tummy.

A bush turkey putting its head down trying to be inconspicuous while running away from us.

Me doing a weekend of baking for lunchboxes and the freezer and then C telling me how delicious everything is and could she please have a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch tomorrow.

People asking me if my girls are different from each other.

I mean, really. That one really gets a belly laugh. They could not be more different. I could write this whole blog, a post every day, on how different they are.

For example, sleep. Sleep is rather on the brain right now as we are in the midst of clearing space to move furniture to change the sleeping arrangements. And E is apparently in the process of dropping her nap. And S is definitely maturing in her napping.

So, without doing a blow-by-blow, here are some thoughts on how my girls differ in terms of sleep.

C. Terrible sleeper as a baby and toddler. I know she DID sleep because I have photographic proof, but there is very little memory of it. Most of my recollections of her aged 3-14 months are surrounding sleep. Please sleep. Why don’t you sleep. The guide says you should be asleep now. Awake now. HOW ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?!?! Ahem. Feeding to sleep. Patting to sleep that only worked a little so back to feeding to sleep. The energy I burned trying to rock her to sleep. The bliss, the relief, that I still feel like it was this week, when she dropped her nap altogether the weekend before she turned 2 so then went to sleep at night without drama or fussing or hours and hours of feeding and chatting and stories and music and feeding and patting and feeding.

E. Beautiful sleeper. Slept, without me having to cajole her or do anything except put her down, exactly when the guide said she should. Would start screaming if she needed to be asleep and I was holding her. Handsies (and occasionally, footsies) to fall asleep. Overnight wakes easily resettled with a dummy or, once or twice a night, a bottle. Things get tricky (mummy gets frustrated and cross and bewildered) when a nap is being dropped and my usually-easy sleeper suddenly resists and stuffs around and is quite happy but also awake when perhaps they should be asleep.

S. I think of her now as my possum baby. Very much driven by awake times instead of clock times. Only now, at 6 months, is she settling into a predictable pattern with a shorter nap in the morning and a longer nap at lunchtime and not usually an afternoon nap. And, for a few months now, has slept most nights for about 12 hours, from after her bath (sometimes with a bottle, sometimes not) until 5 or 6am. It. Is. Bliss. I’m not stuffing around with those naps. This is a baby who sleeps when she needs to sleep, who settles fairly easily if put down when tired but not overtired, who can resettle herself in longer naps and overnight. I know it may not last, and I am hoping hoping hoping that it doesn’t change too much when the sleeping arrangements are given an overhaul in the next few days, but I am astounded and delighted and amazed that I have a baby who does this.

Buy me a coffee

Remember the Positive

January 28, 2022 / annamurray / Leave a comment

This week has been tough. And I mean, really, really, really, tough. But when I was thinking about how tough it has been, a little voice popped into my head with ‘oh but there was also -‘ so I want to remember those things too, preferably more than the other, less positive things.

Out with the tough things. I always prefer bad news first. (Although, there wasn’t really any bad news.)

We are back to screeching baby. Not AS much in the wee small hours but that is largely because I made her a quiet activity box. It took all of my Tuesday evening. And she does play with it, just mostly by picking it up and looking up into it and flapping the flaps. (I know she will work it out a bit more over time so Second Time Mum me isn’t too disheartened.)

Screeching baby is also occurring frequently at food times. Right into my ears. She is very very loud. I am not ok. It is easier if I give her food to feed herself but she is also a fan of dropping something just for fun and then watching where it falls and I’m just not that much a fan of cleaning.

C has been continuing to need me to be with her while she falls asleep. I am ok with this – and I know I will miss it when she tells me she doesn’t need me anymore – but only up to a point. That point is about 8pm. Wednesday she didn’t fall asleep until 9pm, Thursday somewhere around 9:15. Tonight, after I was in my starting-to-get-frustrated zone especially knowing she was so down on her sleep, I resorted to patting her bottom like I did when she was a baby and toddler while singing the rainbow chameleon song. Asleep 8:15, but I was so spent it felt like 9:15 at least.

Of course, when one or both girls requires my attention for hours at night, it cuts into my Me Time. And I need my Me Time. Not just to check social media or to watch a show, but to do my craft or crochet or write. I really feel it when I don’t get to be Anna at all and have to be Mummy until exhausted and spent.

However, there were some definite delights this week.

This morning, E crawled (and she is speedy) from the play zone at one end of our place, past the books and the sofa shortcut and blocks table and tempting cords and kitchen, all the way down the hallway and into C’s room and onto her bed to wake her up. Thankfully C was happy to see her.

Riding on daddy’s shoulders has become E’s new favourite thing to do. And when up there she often does little two-tone sing-song sighs that I remember C doing as well. A sign of contentment that makes my heart happy.

Wednesday was the Australia Day public holiday. Although we’re not happy with our national day being this date, we took it as an opportunity to educate our girls in some of our culture. We did wattle paintings. We did a southern cross painting. Breakfast was like a camping big breakfast: sausage, grilled mushrooms with cheese, egg on a redback. C had her first fairy bread. We had lamingtons with jam and cream. We had sausage rolls with coleslaw and sweet potato fries for dinner.

C has been wanting the lullaby from Frozen 2 in the evenings so guess what I’ve been learning… but so has she. And it turns out she has a great memory for melody and lyrics.

The girls had their first proper bath together. Total chaos with splashing and laughter on repeat. It was only marred by E getting her scream on because she was obviously very tired and needing to be in bed but also loving splashing in a bath with C.

After teething for months (it felt) with one bottom tooth popping up unexpectedly early on and four top teeth playing peekaboo, all four top teeth are through. Phew.

Perhaps the highlight of my week was E starting to clap properly. C started this at 7 months and although I think I’ve been fairly good in not comparing them, this was starting to worry me. E would put her hands together but then move them up and down, or take them apart and hit the table. Until yesterday, when real and proper clapping started. I am SO relieved. And E is obviously pretty happy with herself too.

The last exciting thing is we are starting to plan E’s first birthday party. I love planning parties and working out cake and decorations and snacks and the theme and invitations. Plus, a first birthday is such an achievement. It feels especially so with E.

The best game we have been playing this week has been what I think of as Construction/Destruction. C loves to build amazing towers with blocks. E is in the pull everything apart stage. So we race. C and I try to build up as fast as we can and E pulls the blocks off and then apart. It is crazy and chaotic but loads of fun.

So here’s to a quieter weekend with easier sleep but still some fun chaos. Please.

Good Thing She’s Adorable

September 4, 2021 / annamurray / Leave a comment

We are in THAT zone of baby sleep.

The ‘dropping a nap so is overtired so can’t sink into sleep so stays awake’ stage. The ‘practising new skills in the cot so stays awake’ stage. The ‘adjusting to solids and all that does to the insides so stays awake’ stage. The ‘new awareness of surroundings so needs to have someone there for any chance of going back to sleep’ stage.

We’ve had some shocking nights recently. ‘Good thing she’s adorable’ has been said more than once as we hear yowls and coos interspersed with frustrated acks at 4am when she’s been awake since 3am. And in those long hours of patting and ssshhhing and bobbing up and down I have been so aware of how much better I am handling it this time around.

First Time Mum me – well. Tired and frustrated. Knowing all the reasons for the staying awake but in some ways that made it more frustrating. I KNOW you’re overtired because you refused to nap but if you would just nap when you’re meant to then we wouldn’t be in this position now, would we?! And then, more often than not, after hours of trying all sorts of ways to get her back to sleep, a burp or a fart would pop out and then, like magic, she would be asleep.

Second Time Mum me remembers these things. Why are you crying? Is it- oh. Nice burp! Theeere you go…. asleep. Second Time Mum me is far more understanding of the practising new skills stage. Maybe because I know it really is just a phase and, although it will feel like it is never-ending and I’ll never sleep again, there will be a morning that I wake up because I’m ready to wake up and not because I have to attend to a frustrated baby and she will be still asleep and on her tummy with a hand sticking through the cot rails. Second Time Mum me is better at staying calm knowing that nobody will fall asleep if there is a whiff of frustration in the air. And, to be really honest, Second Time Mum me tries to channel Chilli Heeler a whole lot more. In the ‘Sleepytime’ episode of Bluey (SUCH a gem) when Chilli says, Remember, I’ll always be here for you.

And it makes this whole mothering thing so much easier. Yes, my back is suffering from leaning into a cot for hours. Yes, I am often so sleep-deprived I literally can’t stand or even sit straight. Yes, there is stuff I want to do (as well as sleep) while my girls sleep. But if I take care of the ‘being here for you’ side of things first, the other things are manageable.