early years

I’m Calling Santa

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Before I had kids, I was one of THOSE people. ‘Oh, I’m never going to do the elf on the shelf thing, or letters to Santa, or tell my kids they had better behave or Santa won’t come’. And then I had a 2-year-old. ‘Ok, C, it’s time to go home. Yes it really is. I gave you warnings and a timer and now it is time to go home. No? Ok I’m just calling Santa to let him know – oh you’re coming? What a good choice.’ 

This turned around one day when playing outside and I was the one not doing what C wanted me to do. She whipped out her imaginary phone, told me she was just calling Santa, and walked away in a wonderful impression of a harried adult on a phone call, saying ‘hello, Santa? Yes it’s C here. So. I asked mummy if we could play burger shop but she said no, there were too many ants where we were going to play… hm… yes… hm… just thought you’d want to know’. All while I was trying my hardest not to crack a smile or burst out laughing.

Last year, it felt like I ‘called Santa’ most days. In an attempt at balance, I did try to call to tell him when she behaved wonderfully too, but they seem to have been rather outweighed by the less good behavioural updates.

This year, though, has been different. Delightfully different. It was the middle of November when I noticed C was behaving beautifully, all day. Helpful, cooperative, kind, caring. Nothing was said about the whole Christmas approaching thing, but there was a little ding in my brain that night saying, maybe she knows Christmas is starting to approach. And we have had beautiful behaviour from her … well, more than not. So that’s an improvement on last year, anyway. (She hasn’t been very well this last week so behaviour has suffered accordingly, but most of the time has been lovely.) And it has just taken the occasional ‘do I need to call Santa?’ for a sudden change to a much better choice of behaviour to occur. 

There have still been a number of intended calls and messages to Santa, though. ‘I’m just going to watch something while you’re getting E to have a nap if that’s ok mummy?’ Or ‘You don’t mind if I watch something while you have a nap do you mummy?’ Actually, I do mind- ‘NOOOOO’ oh that’s ok, I’ll just call Santa and let him know not to come here at Christmas ‘NOOOO’ well there’s no point is there? You have so many toys but if you don’t want to play with any, why should he bring you any more? ‘Ok ok I’ll play with my toys’. And what do you know, she will happily spend hours and hours putting her babies (small plush toys) to sleep and giving them tea parties and building space ships with magnets and doing interpretive dance to iconic 80s hits and painting pictures of the night and writing love letters to Shaun the Sheep. 

I suppose Santa might be welcome to come after all. That said, last year she wanted a football. A football fits easily in a normal size stocking. This year, she wants a wheelbarrow, so she can wheel her toys around. I’m not sure if Santa can actually fit one of those in his sleigh… 

What We Read This Week (Relief)

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Since my last ‘what we read’ post, I have read Sleepytime many, many times. Every night for nearly 2 weeks, 1-3 times. There were many cuddles. What I especially loved was that C would start saying the Bingo and Floppy lines, then the whole second half of the book.

And then, one night, she started taking every single book off the bookshelf. What are you doing? I’m looking for my favourite book.

I had a feeling I knew which one it was. But I tried to deflect. Nursery rhymes? No. Bluey? No. Katie Morag? No, Cat in the Hat! Not the fish one!

We don’t have Cat in the Hat. She meant Fox in Socks. Such a tongue twister for a tired mummy. I do love the tweetle beetles, though.

So for a few nights I had to stumble my way through that, with C giggling uncontrollably whenever I made an error and did a raspberry. 

Then it was the daycare Christmas party, with a visit from Santa! (Although she’s not sure this was the actual real life Santa, the glasses were the wrong shape, and the beard…). And Santa gave her a present! A book! It is, of course, now her favourite book. Such a relief from the tongue twisters. It is called the River Riddle and is an illustrated version of the river riddle, where you have a boat, a person, a fox, a sheep, and hay. Her favourite part? There’s singing! (That is, music notes on the page). So MY favourite bit is when she shows me this bit by acting it out. Gold.

It’s Time to Talk About Bluey

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[Season 3 is mentioned but no spoilers!]

I’ve mentioned before how much our family loves Bluey. Honestly, this could be a Bluey Appreciation blog. We love it. There are oodles of Bluey items in our home already and more will be added at Christmas. 

We wouldn’t have so much though if we didn’t love the show, in so many ways. And this is the only show that everyone loves. There are some shows that C adores… and we can’t stand. Some that C adores and I enjoy but Glenn can’t stand. Bluey, though – well, Glenn watches it when no-one else is around. 

I could (and probably will, in bits, eventually), list at length all the ways we love the show. But Season 3 is hitting all the right notes. Every single episode has me laughing or crying or cheering or all three.

Today I want to write about Mum. I am both a lot like her, and aspire to be like and take inspiration from her. I love my own Mum, and have learnt so much from her (admittedly, some of it in hindsight); however, sometimes it’s easier to learn something when it’s presented differently. Like, in cartoon dog form.

I’ve learnt from Mum (Chilli) that tone of voice matters. ‘What are you doing?’ can sound very different when asked with different tones. And, accordingly, engender different responses and different deeper reactions from little ones. My natural manner is a very suspicious, let’s cut this off before it escalates, I don’t think this is going to end well, tone. If I was asked in this tone, I would probably feel guilty whether I was playing quietly with building blocks or climbing where I shouldn’t climb and looking where I know I shouldn’t. But if I channel Mum in the Bingo episode, everything changes. I have asked in that curious tone and received all sorts of responses. From ‘ooh mummy can I show you something, I’m just building a house for us, it has a bed here…(etc)’ to a furtive bump as she slides off something she should not have been on, looking at something she should not have been looking at, before telling me ‘I was just looking at…’ or ‘mummy watch this!!!’ What is said is important, but the way it is said is just as important. Especially for young ones.

I’ve learnt from her that I’m not the only mum who gets frustrated. ‘Sticky Gecko’, anyone? It was a long time before I actually saw that episode start to finish. It never seemed to be a top choice, but once I’d seen it – well. (And it has so much in it for C too – mostly, that it’s ok to be a bit nervous about seeing a friend.) I think many mums feel validated by this episode. If we arrive at the park a bit late for a play date, I know I can say ‘sorry, we were having a sticky gecko morning’ and the other mum will nod with understanding. The extra element in this episode for me though, is that Chilli doesn’t stay in the frustrated mum character zone (as many shows would have her); nor is she a calm and patient angelic character who never bats an eyelid. Instead, she feels her feelings and then also finds out what her girls are feeling. A huge lesson for me.

And I’ve learnt from her that it’s ok to be fun. Mums are so often the boring parent, who make sure teeth are cleaned and laundry is done and floors are cleaned and tables wiped and dishes done and homework done and hair is brushed and bedtime is observed. It can be exhausting. So when we watched ‘Rain’ the other day, I had a similar reaction to when I watched ’Sleepytime’ for the first time. Starting off with laughter but, before too long, tears in my eyes. Although C is often very much like Bingo, the interactions between Mum and Bluey in this episode are so, so much like my interactions with C. It sounds weird – but also perfectly normal – to say that watching ‘Rain’ was like watching my life in cartoon dog form. I just hope I can remember to get my feet wet more often.

Another Concert

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Last week, it came to our attention that my brother (a cellist) was giving a joint cello-violin recital this afternoon. At a location easy for us to get to. At a time that was perfect for us. We decided we would try to go, barring any illness. And we went!

I’m not sure if it’s more the pandemic, or we are really introverted, or having two young children is hard, really hard, but getting out as a family is rare for us. It feels like such a major achievement.

E still has a reaction along the lines of whaaaaaat are we doing who are these people why are they all coming up close and smiling and tickling my toes…..? But when she was settled in daddy’s arms, she was very much into it all. She kept straining to see the music, and ate her afternoon tea like a little bird while turning to the people behind us and giving them little looks that told me that they thought she was adorable.

C was very excited about the whole thing, especially excited to be seeing Uncle Alex and Auntie Alys, and to be wearing a special twirly dress with ruffles, and to be catching a train and going to a concert. However… when we arrived, we saw Uncle Alex (this was fine), and then Sue who I’ve known for years and knows C from when she was a baby but hasn’t seen since, and then Allana who we’ve known for years and met C a couple of times when she was a baby but hasn’t seen since, then Auntie Alys (this was also fine). By the time we sat down, she was a bit overwhelmed. 

I was expecting our screeching baby to screech and need to be taken outside, so I told C she could go outside with me any time. She wanted to go outside straight away. I made her stay in for a little bit and then – after a Bach prelude and an Ysaÿe sonata – took both girls outside.

It turned out that C was ‘a bit nervous’ around all those people. I did reassure her that, even though they were all delighted to see her, they were now all sitting down watching the concert. Even so, she thought outside was a better option.

And who could blame her? Chairs can be so restrictive. Outside was lovely grass and a flowering poinciana tree and a chicken and a ramp and we could still hear the concert. She ran around and investigated the chicken hutch and looked up through the tree at the sky and looked under the hall and went up and down the ramp. E had a wonderful time playing with the grass then ‘walking’ over the grass and, yes, trying to eat the grass.

And although we couldn’t stay for the whole concert, I feel like we had a wonderful afternoon. It was the perfect outing. 

Settling In (C vs. E)

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A huge milestone in our family this week: E started settling in to daycare. And this experience has, so far, been wildly different from when C began. 

C had been looked after by Glenn or my parents once I went back to work. When she was 10 months, we realised that was no longer feasible and we needed childcare, as soon as possible. Her settling in was a little play there the afternoon before she had to be in for a full day.

E has been looked after primarily by me which is easier because, thanks to all sorts of things, I do what I can to work from home. But if Glenn is looking after her while I’m trying to work in her sight, she screeches for me. I was beginning to realise that we needed childcare, soonish but not urgently but maybe we should start the process. 

C loves people, has always made people smile, and will say a cheery hello to random people we pass in the street. I was not at all worried about her starting daycare from a social point of view.

E does not love people. If someone looks at her a bit too closely, she cries. I was worried – I am still worried – about her starting daycare from a social point of view. Even though she has seen the staff nearly every week, she has also cried at them nearly every week. I am anticipating a few weeks for settling in.

C was a terrible sleeper. Fed to sleep for ages. I was very, very worried about her starting daycare from a naps point of view. After a few days and conversations with her teacher (yes, actually, I know it’s a short nap but please please please wake her up from her morning nap otherwise she just will refuse to sleep at lunch have you noticed that because I notice that and then bedtime is atrocious), things settled down and I didn’t worry quite so much.

E has been a dream in comparison. Not entirely – there have been days that have been horrible – but so much easier. Refuses to be fed or even held to sleep. Must be lying down. I am not worried about her starting daycare from a naps point of view. And sure enough, she has napped exactly when I said I wanted her to nap. Her teachers are amazed that she wakes right on 9:30.

The night before C’s first day, I was madly trying to name all her things and she refused to go to sleep. It was rather stressful.

The night before E’s first day, she slept beautifully. Until 4:30 or so and by 4:45 she was screeching for me to wake up. Not fun, but it did mean she was definitely very ready for that morning nap.

When we dropped C off for her first day, I cried. I was so worried, and scared for her, and wondering if I had done the right thing. One of the staff assured me they were all highly trained and most of them had children of their own. When I recognised that it is their job, they’re actually better equipped to do this than I am, it made it a whole lot easier.

I had no such qualms with E. I was a little sad the night before and gave her extra extra cuddles, but I was in a totally different headspace. I know the staff are going to look after her. I know C can go for little visits (which they both love, no surprises there). I know it is good for E to experience different carers and other children and new toys and messy play that someone else gets to clean up. I know it will make the next few years easier as she goes through these pre-school years with the same children and carers, and I get that time to work, to earn money, to have time away so I can come back refreshed with all the cuddles and kisses of I miss you.

In Praise of the Starlight Room

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Tuesday was huge: E was due for a checkup at the hospital. I love the Queensland Children’s Hospital. I mean, I’d rather not have to go there ever again, but as we have had to go and will continue to need to go, I love it.

Not just for its proximity, or the quality of staff, or the abundance of volunteers ready to help you out at the first furrowed brow of confusion or eyes glazed in shock.

My favourite thing about the QCH is the Starlight Room. Without it, our trips to the hospital would be diabolical. 

This is a room that recognises that children still need to play. That they need to have the normality of toys, of a big window to see the world, a room with lady birds and bumble bees to ride on, and shopping trolleys to push and pretend to play shops with, and cars and dolls and hula hoops, and tables with craft and colouring in and drawing.

This is a room that recognises that children need a break from hospital beds and hospital staff and the gravity of a situation that lands a child in hospital. A room that recognises that not all children at the hospital are patients, and siblings need just as much care and attention. 

This is a room that recognises that parents need a break, or time to focus on the child who is the patient and not worry about where any other child is and if it’s bad that they’re plugged into a tablet or trying to play with all the cords they can see.

This is a room that recognises that there’s a lot of waiting at hospitals. And although you may *know* that there’s the possibility of a 2-3 hour wait for the appointment, no one ever thinks it will really take that long so only prepares a trip for a 9-month-old and a 3-and-a-half-year-old involving maybe a half hour wait. Helloooooo, Starlight Room.

I admit, several times throughout this year I have used the Starlight Room as an incentive. C needs to be well in order to be allowed in, so a good sleep is in order. Even if I’m pushing for that sleep to happen a few months in advance. You can’t convince us you need to stay home from daycare then be expected to have a visit to the Starlight Room.

Tuesday was a bit different. Instead of me saying we’re off to the hospital and C responding with ‘yay that means I go to Starlight Room!’ this time she wasn’t so sure. A bit nervous. We reassured her that she didn’t have to go, she could stay with us in the waiting area. And she did, for a bit. She sat on my lap and we read stories while Glenn walked E around. But after about 30 minutes of this she said maybe she’d changed her mind. Ugh.

So I checked with the receptionist who was really sorry about the wait until I told her this was perfect. With the promise of a phone call when E’s time was approaching, off we went to the Starlight Room. Instead of leaving her be as we have in the past, this time we stayed with C a bit. A relaxing sit as E looked at all these other children and had some lunch. An interesting experience watching C playing in this kind of environment, needing to share with other children who maybe don’t have the social skills she has, but also in an environment in which all children are a little or a lot not their usual self. I let E have a little wander and she enjoyed the bumble bee (well, eating the little knob that is a handle) then crawling on a new surface, and finally some sensory play. 

By the time we decided we needed to go back downstairs to see how much longer we may need to wait (it was now past her nap time and E gets *cranky*), C was definitely settled in. I tried to tell her we were going and I think she heard me but she was wearing a tiara with a veil and trying to get a remote control car to work so there was little response. And I’m pretty sure the only reason she came with us when we collected her later was the promise of pizza. Win.

I’m thinking we need to make a donation to the Starlight Foundation. The amount of craft that we have around our place from her various visits – a ‘cake’, a collage, a feathery jellyfish creation – is one thing (and so much appreciated by our craft-loving girl), but the very existence of this oasis in the hospital is so very wonderful. It has made our hospital trips and our life so, so much easier.

What We Read This Week (We Love Bluey)

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Until Sunday, I was thinking C would pick One Woolly Wombat or the Nursery Rhyme Book as her favourite book this week. They were, after all, read more than once each.

But then Monday happened. New Bluey. Quick visit from grandparents (my parents). And my mum loves providing drawing materials and reading materials, so there was a trip to the store for a new drawing pad and C’s choice of new book. She saw Bluey: Sleepytime (my absolute favourite episode) and wanted me to read it to her there. I read the first page then realised I may end up reading half the book section to her before lunch so… her new book is Bluey: Sleepytime (Joe Brumm). Read right after purchase by my parents while I did some extra shopping. Excitedly shown to daddy when we got home and read by him. Read by me for bedtime story, and again, then again while she was in bed. Read by me again tonight for bedtime story along with loads of questions about all sorts of aspects of the story. It is her favourite. It is my favourite. 

I could write at length about the amazingness that is the Sleepytime episode, or my reactions when first watching it. And maybe I shall but not just yet. We love the music and listened to it on the weekend (very proud mummy here when C recognised the Jupiter music as the music from Sleepytime). And there is that bit, that bit that always makes me cry after all the humour and emotion and the buildup and then it all tumbles out. They put that in the book of course and I tear up trying to read it, every time.

Remember, I’ll always be here for you. Even if you can’t see me. Because I love you.

Linguistic Oddities of 3 and a Half

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The other night, I had the sad realisation that we had seen the end of nummy. The first time it happened, C had been saying ‘dee… LISH… usss’ which I finally put together as ‘delicious’. So, forever recording things, we tried to video it. Some milk with frozen raspberries in it (a favourite of hers), and ‘how is it?’ Speaking like a Michelin Star judge, instead of deeLISHuss, she pronounced her drink to be ‘nummy’. The way she said it – well, it still makes me laugh.

Sadly, when C was asked last week if her dinner was nummy, she said it was delicious. Can you tell daddy it’s nummy? It’s yummy, daddy! And only when she tried, really tried, could she tell him it was nummy. 

I find language development fascinating. I did a couple of linguistics subjects at university (as electives as part of my music degree) and have enjoyed watching babbling turn into detailed accounts of things that have happened in C’s life. 

There are the words that are guesses at words. She used to say ‘armbow’ for elbow and I miss it. Like many children, she will check for our ‘heart beep’ when playing doctor. And there are the mispronunciations like ‘hopsital’ or ‘hostipal’ or ‘aminal’ or ‘bonato’ or (my new favourite that happened on Tuesday) ‘Lemmie-un Falcon’ and ‘3CPO’.

There are the words that are right but wrong. For a while now we have been hearing ‘her’ instead of she. We have started correcting her a little bit – there’s only so long that something like this can be endearing before it becomes just wrong. But what really impressed me at the start of last week was when she ‘read’ Old Mother Hubbard and alllll of the ‘she’s were replaced with ‘her’. ‘Her went to the cobblers/ To buy him some shoes/ But when her got back/ He was reading the news’. Every. Single. One.

I’m not sure how common this is but she often swaps around double-barrelled words and phrases. For a long time she would ask to watch ‘cracker nut ballet’, or ‘Two Frozen’. Just this morning she told daddy to have ‘corn sweet’ on his toast.

But there are also the words and phrases that come about that turn into the vernacular of a family.

A word that C has taken and reinvented is jungle (verb). Over summer I was pregnant and huge and trying not to do any extra lifting. C would barrel into me or try to climb all over me or jump onto me after climbing onto the sofa. ‘Stop it! I’m not a jungle gym!’ was said multiple times. But daddy loves it… So C would climb all over Glenn when he was on the sofa, an activity that she still does. She hangs off his legs, pretends he is a horse, hides under his knees and pops up like a jack-in-the-box, pushes his back (he loves the back massage) and climbs onto his shoulders. Recently I asked what she was doing? ‘I’m jungle-ing on daddy!’ Perfect.

What We Read This Week (Jenny and Madeline)

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Not so many stories were read this week. The reason? C had a couple of nights when she spent about an hour and a half in the bath. After my second ‘time to get out of the bath now’ if she doesn’t get out then she doesn’t get a story. I think I miss it more than she does but by that stage of the evening there’s very little left by way of consequences.

Still, when I asked her to choose her favourite story from the week, she had a tough choice. Jenny’s Bear (Michael Ratnett & June Goulding)? Or Madeline (Ludwig Bemelmans)? She vacillated a little but settled on Jenny’s Bear. Her favourite bit? When the bear arrives and drinks the pretend tea. Pretend tea!!! It’s very funny.

(We played nail salon this week, can you tell?!)

She also loves Madeline (we have Madeline In London). Partly I think because Ruby Red Shoes also goes to London, and partly because there is so much in the story. We can only have it when she is very speedy when getting out of the bath though.

My personal favourite from this week was a repeat from last week. Nursery Rhymes came out again, and Old Mother Hubbard was read and reread. And C wanted to read it herself for the first time. It was the funniest thing all day. Such a nonsensical rhyme anyway, but when you can’t actually read so just go on memory and also possibly don’t understand ALL of the words and just tack on a second half of a verse even if it doesn’t match the first half… Gold.

E has been going for regular favourites (Hungry Caterpillar and the Green Sheep) but also playing with a stack of little animal books (10 chunky books from Green Start). Each has 3 pages with rhymes about different animals. We bought them before C was born so I have read them over and over. Bonus: great for teething babies.

Of Balls and Paints and Bath Toys

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I sometimes get the urge to organise something for a girl to play with. Usually there is an agenda behind this, such as developing a skill or working towards a milestone or enhancing early literacy skills or just plain old wearing them out so that they sleep. The success rate is a bit meh. Often there is delayed success which is always nice in hindsight but a bit disappointing at the time.

However, being an ‘on’ mum all the time is just plain exhausting. And, thankfully, not so great for kids. Boredom is wonderful.

Hello, unstructured and child-led play. What a relief.

There have been a few winners lately, leading to oodles of squeak-laughs and mummy downtime.

Winner: seahorse ball. C was given this for her first birthday and it is played with every week. It is a pink beachball with a separately-inflated seahorse and seaweed inside it, so it rolls unpredictably. So much fun. When C was smaller she would bounce and roll around on it too, and it was the first ball she could catch. It is one of the few things that keeps E in the play zone for more than two minutes as she loves the back-and-forth nature of it. The girls have started playing to and fro with it – usually a reminder to C to be gentle followed by E trying to eat it then throwing it back to C, all accompanied by riotous laughter. Gold.

Winner: paints. Oh my. One of those ‘ooh Pinterest has shown me all the food-safe finger paints’ moments. One of those ‘ooh Pinterest has all these fingerprint and handprint crafts we should totally do some of them’ moments. One of those ‘yay look at all this mess… (this is good for them this is good for them this is good for them this is good for them)’ moments. Fingerpainting wasn’t a huge success in terms of prints. Fingerpainting was a success for sensory play and just getting messy then getting in the bath. Fingerpainting was also a success for reminding C that painting can be fun and doesn’t have to be done at the easel and we have other paints she can use and get paint alloverher and then get into a bath for loads of bath play.

Winner: bath toys. E is finally at the stage where she doesn’t just shove the toys in her eye so I can let her loose next to the box of bath toys and she will explore them and throw them and chase after them for ages. And C loves loves loves a ‘splash bath’. She will happily spend an hour or more playing in the bath, just as imaginative with her bath toys as she is with her soft toys. Because we have had such stinking hot humid weather lately this has been a very welcome activity.

So that’s where our unstructured play, boredom busters are at present. I have so many ideas for things to make for them but for now, this tired mummy is thankful for easy play. Phew.