parenting

In Praise of the Starlight Room

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Tuesday was huge: E was due for a checkup at the hospital. I love the Queensland Children’s Hospital. I mean, I’d rather not have to go there ever again, but as we have had to go and will continue to need to go, I love it.

Not just for its proximity, or the quality of staff, or the abundance of volunteers ready to help you out at the first furrowed brow of confusion or eyes glazed in shock.

My favourite thing about the QCH is the Starlight Room. Without it, our trips to the hospital would be diabolical. 

This is a room that recognises that children still need to play. That they need to have the normality of toys, of a big window to see the world, a room with lady birds and bumble bees to ride on, and shopping trolleys to push and pretend to play shops with, and cars and dolls and hula hoops, and tables with craft and colouring in and drawing.

This is a room that recognises that children need a break from hospital beds and hospital staff and the gravity of a situation that lands a child in hospital. A room that recognises that not all children at the hospital are patients, and siblings need just as much care and attention. 

This is a room that recognises that parents need a break, or time to focus on the child who is the patient and not worry about where any other child is and if it’s bad that they’re plugged into a tablet or trying to play with all the cords they can see.

This is a room that recognises that there’s a lot of waiting at hospitals. And although you may *know* that there’s the possibility of a 2-3 hour wait for the appointment, no one ever thinks it will really take that long so only prepares a trip for a 9-month-old and a 3-and-a-half-year-old involving maybe a half hour wait. Helloooooo, Starlight Room.

I admit, several times throughout this year I have used the Starlight Room as an incentive. C needs to be well in order to be allowed in, so a good sleep is in order. Even if I’m pushing for that sleep to happen a few months in advance. You can’t convince us you need to stay home from daycare then be expected to have a visit to the Starlight Room.

Tuesday was a bit different. Instead of me saying we’re off to the hospital and C responding with ‘yay that means I go to Starlight Room!’ this time she wasn’t so sure. A bit nervous. We reassured her that she didn’t have to go, she could stay with us in the waiting area. And she did, for a bit. She sat on my lap and we read stories while Glenn walked E around. But after about 30 minutes of this she said maybe she’d changed her mind. Ugh.

So I checked with the receptionist who was really sorry about the wait until I told her this was perfect. With the promise of a phone call when E’s time was approaching, off we went to the Starlight Room. Instead of leaving her be as we have in the past, this time we stayed with C a bit. A relaxing sit as E looked at all these other children and had some lunch. An interesting experience watching C playing in this kind of environment, needing to share with other children who maybe don’t have the social skills she has, but also in an environment in which all children are a little or a lot not their usual self. I let E have a little wander and she enjoyed the bumble bee (well, eating the little knob that is a handle) then crawling on a new surface, and finally some sensory play. 

By the time we decided we needed to go back downstairs to see how much longer we may need to wait (it was now past her nap time and E gets *cranky*), C was definitely settled in. I tried to tell her we were going and I think she heard me but she was wearing a tiara with a veil and trying to get a remote control car to work so there was little response. And I’m pretty sure the only reason she came with us when we collected her later was the promise of pizza. Win.

I’m thinking we need to make a donation to the Starlight Foundation. The amount of craft that we have around our place from her various visits – a ‘cake’, a collage, a feathery jellyfish creation – is one thing (and so much appreciated by our craft-loving girl), but the very existence of this oasis in the hospital is so very wonderful. It has made our hospital trips and our life so, so much easier.

What We Read This Week (We Love Bluey)

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Until Sunday, I was thinking C would pick One Woolly Wombat or the Nursery Rhyme Book as her favourite book this week. They were, after all, read more than once each.

But then Monday happened. New Bluey. Quick visit from grandparents (my parents). And my mum loves providing drawing materials and reading materials, so there was a trip to the store for a new drawing pad and C’s choice of new book. She saw Bluey: Sleepytime (my absolute favourite episode) and wanted me to read it to her there. I read the first page then realised I may end up reading half the book section to her before lunch so… her new book is Bluey: Sleepytime (Joe Brumm). Read right after purchase by my parents while I did some extra shopping. Excitedly shown to daddy when we got home and read by him. Read by me for bedtime story, and again, then again while she was in bed. Read by me again tonight for bedtime story along with loads of questions about all sorts of aspects of the story. It is her favourite. It is my favourite. 

I could write at length about the amazingness that is the Sleepytime episode, or my reactions when first watching it. And maybe I shall but not just yet. We love the music and listened to it on the weekend (very proud mummy here when C recognised the Jupiter music as the music from Sleepytime). And there is that bit, that bit that always makes me cry after all the humour and emotion and the buildup and then it all tumbles out. They put that in the book of course and I tear up trying to read it, every time.

Remember, I’ll always be here for you. Even if you can’t see me. Because I love you.

Linguistic Oddities of 3 and a Half

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The other night, I had the sad realisation that we had seen the end of nummy. The first time it happened, C had been saying ‘dee… LISH… usss’ which I finally put together as ‘delicious’. So, forever recording things, we tried to video it. Some milk with frozen raspberries in it (a favourite of hers), and ‘how is it?’ Speaking like a Michelin Star judge, instead of deeLISHuss, she pronounced her drink to be ‘nummy’. The way she said it – well, it still makes me laugh.

Sadly, when C was asked last week if her dinner was nummy, she said it was delicious. Can you tell daddy it’s nummy? It’s yummy, daddy! And only when she tried, really tried, could she tell him it was nummy. 

I find language development fascinating. I did a couple of linguistics subjects at university (as electives as part of my music degree) and have enjoyed watching babbling turn into detailed accounts of things that have happened in C’s life. 

There are the words that are guesses at words. She used to say ‘armbow’ for elbow and I miss it. Like many children, she will check for our ‘heart beep’ when playing doctor. And there are the mispronunciations like ‘hopsital’ or ‘hostipal’ or ‘aminal’ or ‘bonato’ or (my new favourite that happened on Tuesday) ‘Lemmie-un Falcon’ and ‘3CPO’.

There are the words that are right but wrong. For a while now we have been hearing ‘her’ instead of she. We have started correcting her a little bit – there’s only so long that something like this can be endearing before it becomes just wrong. But what really impressed me at the start of last week was when she ‘read’ Old Mother Hubbard and alllll of the ‘she’s were replaced with ‘her’. ‘Her went to the cobblers/ To buy him some shoes/ But when her got back/ He was reading the news’. Every. Single. One.

I’m not sure how common this is but she often swaps around double-barrelled words and phrases. For a long time she would ask to watch ‘cracker nut ballet’, or ‘Two Frozen’. Just this morning she told daddy to have ‘corn sweet’ on his toast.

But there are also the words and phrases that come about that turn into the vernacular of a family.

A word that C has taken and reinvented is jungle (verb). Over summer I was pregnant and huge and trying not to do any extra lifting. C would barrel into me or try to climb all over me or jump onto me after climbing onto the sofa. ‘Stop it! I’m not a jungle gym!’ was said multiple times. But daddy loves it… So C would climb all over Glenn when he was on the sofa, an activity that she still does. She hangs off his legs, pretends he is a horse, hides under his knees and pops up like a jack-in-the-box, pushes his back (he loves the back massage) and climbs onto his shoulders. Recently I asked what she was doing? ‘I’m jungle-ing on daddy!’ Perfect.

What We Read This Week (Jenny and Madeline)

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Not so many stories were read this week. The reason? C had a couple of nights when she spent about an hour and a half in the bath. After my second ‘time to get out of the bath now’ if she doesn’t get out then she doesn’t get a story. I think I miss it more than she does but by that stage of the evening there’s very little left by way of consequences.

Still, when I asked her to choose her favourite story from the week, she had a tough choice. Jenny’s Bear (Michael Ratnett & June Goulding)? Or Madeline (Ludwig Bemelmans)? She vacillated a little but settled on Jenny’s Bear. Her favourite bit? When the bear arrives and drinks the pretend tea. Pretend tea!!! It’s very funny.

(We played nail salon this week, can you tell?!)

She also loves Madeline (we have Madeline In London). Partly I think because Ruby Red Shoes also goes to London, and partly because there is so much in the story. We can only have it when she is very speedy when getting out of the bath though.

My personal favourite from this week was a repeat from last week. Nursery Rhymes came out again, and Old Mother Hubbard was read and reread. And C wanted to read it herself for the first time. It was the funniest thing all day. Such a nonsensical rhyme anyway, but when you can’t actually read so just go on memory and also possibly don’t understand ALL of the words and just tack on a second half of a verse even if it doesn’t match the first half… Gold.

E has been going for regular favourites (Hungry Caterpillar and the Green Sheep) but also playing with a stack of little animal books (10 chunky books from Green Start). Each has 3 pages with rhymes about different animals. We bought them before C was born so I have read them over and over. Bonus: great for teething babies.

Of Balls and Paints and Bath Toys

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I sometimes get the urge to organise something for a girl to play with. Usually there is an agenda behind this, such as developing a skill or working towards a milestone or enhancing early literacy skills or just plain old wearing them out so that they sleep. The success rate is a bit meh. Often there is delayed success which is always nice in hindsight but a bit disappointing at the time.

However, being an ‘on’ mum all the time is just plain exhausting. And, thankfully, not so great for kids. Boredom is wonderful.

Hello, unstructured and child-led play. What a relief.

There have been a few winners lately, leading to oodles of squeak-laughs and mummy downtime.

Winner: seahorse ball. C was given this for her first birthday and it is played with every week. It is a pink beachball with a separately-inflated seahorse and seaweed inside it, so it rolls unpredictably. So much fun. When C was smaller she would bounce and roll around on it too, and it was the first ball she could catch. It is one of the few things that keeps E in the play zone for more than two minutes as she loves the back-and-forth nature of it. The girls have started playing to and fro with it – usually a reminder to C to be gentle followed by E trying to eat it then throwing it back to C, all accompanied by riotous laughter. Gold.

Winner: paints. Oh my. One of those ‘ooh Pinterest has shown me all the food-safe finger paints’ moments. One of those ‘ooh Pinterest has all these fingerprint and handprint crafts we should totally do some of them’ moments. One of those ‘yay look at all this mess… (this is good for them this is good for them this is good for them this is good for them)’ moments. Fingerpainting wasn’t a huge success in terms of prints. Fingerpainting was a success for sensory play and just getting messy then getting in the bath. Fingerpainting was also a success for reminding C that painting can be fun and doesn’t have to be done at the easel and we have other paints she can use and get paint alloverher and then get into a bath for loads of bath play.

Winner: bath toys. E is finally at the stage where she doesn’t just shove the toys in her eye so I can let her loose next to the box of bath toys and she will explore them and throw them and chase after them for ages. And C loves loves loves a ‘splash bath’. She will happily spend an hour or more playing in the bath, just as imaginative with her bath toys as she is with her soft toys. Because we have had such stinking hot humid weather lately this has been a very welcome activity.

So that’s where our unstructured play, boredom busters are at present. I have so many ideas for things to make for them but for now, this tired mummy is thankful for easy play. Phew.

The Magic of Twinkle

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One of my great joys this year has been seeing my two girls interacting. The way E’s face lights up when C finally makes it to the breakfast table. The way C will sit down with E and ‘read’ (recite) stories. The way E builds up then lets loose a squeak laugh when C does something, anything, that she finds funny. 

And the way C will sing to E to calm her down. This has been one of the most beautiful (and unexpected) parts of my year. It began a few months ago, when E was crying because I was doing something outrageous like washing my hands and therefore not holding her. C sang, very gently and beautifully, Twinkle Twinkle Little Star. E calmed down right away while my heart melted just a little bit.

We have seen many subsequent renditions of this. Usually Twinkle, sometimes Baa Baa Black Sheep. Sometimes gently, sometimes very loudly to override the screaming. Sometimes slowly, sometimes quickly, and sometimes slowly until the last line or two and then a quick dash to the finish line. Sometimes with a caring voice and sometimes with a funny ‘granny’ voice.

And every time, E will stop the crying when she hears the singing. I suspect much of it is the surprise factor, just like babies will stop and stare when grandparents and nurses start up with the duck noises or when someone claps nearby. But there is also that knowledge in her that C cares for her and looks after her and loves her and is trying to help.

I only occasionally have success singing Twinkle to her. The song that I can sing to calm her down is Hickory Dickory Dock – although if I sing it near C she tells me I’m doing it wrong even though I sing the version we did in music classes when she was a baby. Glenn has success with Baa Baa Black Sheep but, more often, Incy Wincy Spider. He does a long pause at the start of the last line aaaaannnnnnd no matter what E is doing, she’ll lift her head and wait for it and break out into a wholeofherface smile and then maybe also a squeak laugh and then big laughs when the song continues. 

Music is magic.

A Concert: Queensland Pops Orchestra Celtic Spectacular

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Today was huge. Glenn was playing in the Queensland Pops Orchestra Celtic Spectacular concerts, and I took the girls. Huge.

The last concert we went to was the New Year’s Eve concert. I was pregnant (so, huge and tired). C was hugely excited but then screamed and screamed for most of the whole entire concert because she couldn’t be on stage with daddy. It was not really how I wanted to see out the year but, then again, maybe it was rather fitting for the year that was 2020.

I was both keen and anxious for today’s concert experience. Oodles of planning and mental preparation happened on my end. Naps to be tweaked, outfits, nappies, snacks, meals, water bottles, cardigans, and (most important) a helper.

All ready in the viewing room

And, all in all, I think it was a success.

C was, again, hugely excited. On the way to daycare during the week she told me all about the last concert and how she was upset she couldn’t be on stage with daddy and she promised, she really promised in the earnestness of a 3yo, that she wouldn’t scream this time. She leapt around all morning and was too excited to eat anything except a handful of grape tomatoes for lunch and got ready without any fussing. She held hands all the way to the ferry and sat on her seat without any reminders and, when we met up with my helper (my amazing future sister-in-law, Auntie A), held hands with her. She was, unsurprisingly, ravenously hungry when we got to the viewing room, and ate the leftover cheese from her lunch as well as all three of the yoghurt pouches I had packed for us. She danced whenever she felt like it and told me the Irish dancers in the second half were ‘doing it wrong’. She twirled her way through the evening and built a concert out of her blocks before dinner.

Heading in on the ferry

E – well, this was her first ever concert experience. The ferry ride was in the zone of ‘ummmm what? This is… new…’ and this held until we were safely seated in the viewing room. She was transfixed by the tuning and the bagpipes and drums. She began jumping on my lap and, wow, this child has amazing rhythm. The Scottish dancers had her cooing. And then the singer came on stage. The grizzling began and that escalated to screaming and expressions of actually mummy we are only just ok here and I’m not really sure about what on earth this is and whoa so many people and they all seem to want to look at me and ok you’re here and what’s that thing on your face I’m going to pull it off oh that’s funny your face makes funny sounds but ohhhhh I’m hungry but there’s too much going on for me to feed and I’m tired too did I mention I’m tired so so tired and hungry and over-stimulated and when can this be over? 

Watching daddy tune the orchestra

So we left shortly after interval.

Yes, I wish we could have seen more of Glenn playing, especially his solos. Yes, I wish we could have seen more of the dancing. Yes, I wish we could have seen Glenn (and so many others) afterwards at the Stage Door. But, baby steps. Seeing my girls experiencing it all in their own ways is a joy nobody told me about before I had children but it is right up there as one of my favourite things.

Scottish dancing

Let Me Remember

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We are deep in the trenches.  The days that are flying by in a fog of getting to the next nap or mealtime or bedtime, days that are filled with how. How am I going to fill that time between morning tea and lunch, or afternoon tea and dinner. How am I going to stay awake after yet another night of horribly broken sleep. How am I going to keep my cool when I am massively sleep-deprived and lacking in any time to be creative for myself and I am merely coping, just getting by and hoping I am doing enough and hoping I can remember.

Hoping I can remember, because I know this all passes, passes so so quickly, and before I know it the girls will be taller than me and borrowing my clothes and shoes and makeup and spending more time out of the home than here.

So many things to remember.

Let me remember the softness. The softness of the hair, so soft that I could rest my cheek on it all day. The softness of the skin, the soft skin of tiny hands as they hold and explore and reach and gripple, the soft skin of bigger hands as they slip into mine when we cross a road or descend the stairs, the soft skin of plump cheeks as a head rests on my shoulder.

Let me remember the heaviness. The heaviness of a baby. The solid weight of a little baby. The hefty weight of an older baby. The lanky weight of a leggy preschooler who still wants a cuddle-walk to the bathroom to clean her teeth but is all legs and knees and elbows and ribs.

Let me remember the curves. The curve of round cheeks. The slight curve of eyelashes when the eyes are closed in sleep. The gentle curve of fingers relaxed in sleep.

Let me remember the spontaneity and fun of children. The squeak laugh that starts in the belly and spurts out with delight. The sudden raspberry conversation across the breakfast table. The imminent 3-year-old tantrum waylaid when the baby thinks it is a game of peek-a-boo.

Let me remember them when I too am older and worrying about girls being independent and asserting themselves and setting foot in the big wide world. Let me remember how little and precious and fragile and fiercely independent they are, now.

Let me remember their babyhood and preschool years, the memories that cannot be caught in a photo, the memories that they will not have themselves.

Let me remember.

What We Read This Week (Katie Morag)

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Usually, the end of the week sees a pile of books on my sofa. This week there is no such pile, just a pile of ever-changing washing that needs sorting. There is no pile because C has been asking for the same book every night for over a week: Katie Morag’s Island Stories (Mairi Hedderwick). Before this week it had been a few months since we had read any so I was surprised and impressed when I asked C which one of them she wanted and she could tell me. 

There are four stories in the book: Katie Morag Delivers the Mail; Katie Morag and the Two Grandmothers (‘Katie Morag and the Sheep’); Katie Morag and the Tiresome Ted; and Katie Morag and the Big Boy Cousins. When asked which was her favourite C responded ‘ALL of them!’ It seems a revision of ‘favourite’ needs to happen soon. That said, she has asked for them all about equally so maybe she’s right. 

Last night, when I had a paragraph to go (her choice of story was the sheep), C interrupted me. ‘Mummy? I got out of the bath when you asked me to tonight… So… does that mean I can have another story please?’ How could I resist that? 

There are many reasons why we enjoy these stories.

They are set on a Scottish island (the Isle of Struay) so my Scottish heritage is loving it.

They are a bit more grown-up than many of C’s other stories. Not overly, but I think because Katie Morag is about 7 (maybe?) it feels more grown up. And Katie Morag is a big sister which I think also appeals to C.

They have wonderful illustrations. It didn’t hit me at first, it just looked like nice watercolour pictures of a small Scottish island with Scottish people and some animals and the sea. But there are so, so many details that we keep finding new things. My favourite discovery was when C said, with a mischievous grin in her voice, ‘Mummy! Why is there a boooooob out?’ Sure enough, there was a breastfeeding mum uncovered. Little things carry over from one story to the next, like a teddy bear outfit. The Grannie has a violin which is played at a party. And, our newest discovery from last night – the books the children are reading in bed are the Katie Morag stories. Fun.

Halloween 2021

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Admission: I’m not a huge fan of Halloween. I’m not a huge fan of dressing up, or seeing loads of ghosts and witches and zombies and ghouls. Or worse, oodles of princesses and fairies and mermaids and just any costume. I’m not a huge fan of being scared, or tricks that give a thrill, or scary movies that frighten me silly.

I am, though, very much a fan of observing the things that make up the rhythm of a year. Doing certain things only at certain times of the year. And, although my family didn’t do Halloween when I was growing up because it was ‘too American’ I am married to an Irishman and Halloween is, actually, Irish.

Hello, Halloween.

This year, as well as doing daycare dress-up, we’ve done some craft and some food and talked a little bit about some of the Irish and Scottish traditions of Halloween. Including the origin of the jack-o-lantern which was enough spookiness for me for this year thank you very much.

Dressing up:

C chose to be a ghost this year. The last two years she opted for black cat (yay for reusing props!) but this year when I asked what she wanted to be, and told her she could be a black cat, or a pumpkin (please no) or a witch or a ghost, she was very excited about the ghost option. Easy. One white sheet I was wanting to repurpose anyway, folded, cut into a circle, head hole cut out a little too big so pleats sewn in, tassels cut in so she could be extra spooky when she ran, eyeliner to make ghostly eyes (Glenn is great at applying makeup). I had to laugh to myself when we got to daycare and the teacher who greeted her asked if she was a ghoul or a friendly ghost and C really didn’t look enthusiastic about being a friendly ghost. She wanted to be a scary ghost. Gold.

Craft:

We made paper jack-o-lanterns, and bought some battery-operated candles to put inside. (I’m very happy that $3 for 6 candles was actually the only purchase for the whole Halloween.) C was quite happy cutting along the lines to make the lanterns, and then insisted on cutting her tape to tape them together. 

Food:

On Saturday we made chocolate cupcakes, and decorated them on Sunday. Icing dunked in ground pistachios then adorned with candy eyeballs and fondant tongues = monsters. We tried to make pumpkins with fondant and icing but they looked more like sad St Patrick’s Day flowers or something (very Cake Wrecks) so we turned them into orange monsters instead. And, thanks to Pinterest, I found Barmbrack bread. An Irish bread baked around the time of Halloween, that Glenn remembers having as a child. The enjoyment I found in baking it told me it will be a staple of our future Halloweens. Not just the act of soaking fruit then mixing dry and wet ingredients and baking in a loaf then slicing and toasting and eating with butter while drinking tea. It’s more than that. It is the making of something only at a particular time of the year, part of the rhythm of the year and the rhythm of our life.