reflection

Planning, Planning, Planning

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I am pleased to report that I am on my way to being a Planner. A List Maker. An Organised Mum. There are still some areas to sort out (PUN!) but I have my week of laundry planned (like when to wash towels and sheets; clothing is washed as needed which is almost daily) and a very loose cleaning … guide? Time to think about maybe cleaning an area? Then in January I planned my planning which was such a Me thing to do. So I now also have Food Organisation Preparation and Execution plans. I also have Planning for the Weekend plans.

As Monday-Thursday is when I work, I don’t plan on getting any baking done on those days.  Friday-Sunday, though, there are now Food Preparation Goals. Cookies. Muffins. Boiled eggs. Overnight oats. Baked oatmeal. Next level will be to keep a tally of how much of what we have in the freezer. I have plans to create a little sheet in Canva that can keep track of all of this. We also are going to start using a numbering system for our freezer to reduce what gets thrown out when we have to clean it out because it is too full, or even, avoid the too-full events entirely. All of this is making my Planning Self happy.

As Monday-Thursday is when I work, I have children with me and needing attention for Friday-Sunday. My go with the flow, let’s see what happens, children know what they want, let them play, approach … well. With experience, I have realised a number of things. When my girls are out, they get on beautifully; when my girls are home, they fight. When my girls have craft to do, there is harmony in the home; when we are home with no plan of what to do, there is chaos and fighting. Furthermore, C definitely likes to know The Plan, and E nearly always asks the night before, “Where are we going when we wake up?”

It used to be that I would get to Thursday night and groan. Not for the imminent children aspect, but because I had nothing planned or prepped for them to do. Craft is great, and letting them have free reign on the craft supplies is … you know. But when there is a plan, with something I can prep and then they have a plan, is always more successful in terms of engagement from them and cooperation and general calm and it just works out better.

So the New Way of doing things involves me starting a note in my phone early in the week, entitled “Weekend Plans 15-16 February”, for example, and then setting out Friday night dinner, Saturday breakfast – all the food things – as well as any outings we are aiming for if everyone is well, and what sort of creative activity we want to do, as well as what and when I plan on food prepping. I want to dig up our magnetic blackboard and an appropriate pen and have this more visible on the fridge, too, so C can contribute independently. Walks to daycare and school now include a question here and there of, what do you want to do for craft or art on Saturday? What do you want on your pizza on Friday? Can everyone please stay well this week so we can go to the park on the weekend, please?

Last weekend showed me that this planning doesn’t magically create a fight-free weekend. Unfortunately, this isn’t some cure-all solution for family harmony. What it does do, though, is give me an opportunity to be prepared for green pancakes and rainbow pizzas and love heart crafts and surprise paints. Planning helps.

School’s Back!

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh

Bye, darling girl! I love you! Have a wonderful day!

School is back, and holidays are done. Holidays that went better than last summer and better than feared but still … still had that feeling of gritted teeth. We’re getting through it. How much longer now? Grr.

Morning walking. Walking for physical health but also to find some space in the day, to carve it out for myself, to have the morning sun in my eyes, to breathe fresh air and not have to answer five questions fired at me from multiple sources all at once every ten seconds. Walking because looking after me in this way helps me reset and look after everybody else. 

Taking myself to the bedroom for a break so that I don’t explode. Breathe. Be interrupted during that minute – that one tiny minute of 60 seconds – because sometimes girls can’t even last that long or I have left my breathing space mental break cool down time too late and then I am rushing back out to nurse the injured child or to remind girls of something like we don’t hurt others to get our own way or that sometimes it’s okay to let others do their thing and let me deal with them.

Two girls going to daycare two days a week. The pre-holiday financial stress of knowing there may be zero income to cover this but also the holiday family stress of having three girls together for all the other days so balancing it out to be two days a week of daycare and then five long and tricky days where they’re all together. The relief – such relief! – when I actually was allocated work for every single day that they were at daycare and I could work and earn just that little bit of money that meant that I didn’t have to use up my entire savings to get through the holidays.

Having that little bit of money meant having freedom to buy girls things like an ice cream on a day out, or buy sushi for them for lunch, or buy craft supplies, or buy replacement sandals when one child just stepped into a pond and when I hauled her out immediately there was only one sandal on one foot and the other was lost at the bottom of a pond and there were so many tears but she didn’t have to go home barefoot. Money that meant I could buy C black school shoes, which are not essential for this school but still a nice thing that she asked for and I knew it would help her feel Proper. Buying school shoes and realising that school socks will be better than her multicoloured rainbow unicorn socks so being able to say yes to school socks. I know this doesn’t sound like much but if you’ve been there, you know. Money that meant I could take her to the uniform shop when it opened last week and buy her uniforms, all secondhand, but not stressing that if there was nothing in her size secondhand then I would be buying new. 

Big Days Out. People hearing about these massive outings and saying how amazing I am but me knowing inside that this is just because I am so far from amazing that this is the only way I can keep girls from fighting with each other all day because when they are out they are so beautifully behaved and just seem to get on better. Big Days Out that wear them out but it’s still a balancing act of Big and not so Big that they are actually worn out and get sick from exhaustion then have to stay home from playgrounds and daycare and then we implode.

Big Days Out this summer that included the trip to Bluey’s World and the day at the City Botanic Gardens playground and the trip to my brother and sister-in-law’s new place on Boxing Day where we also saw my parents and my sister-in-law’s parents and brother and it was a huge day that had girls falling asleep on the way home. There was a Big Day Out to the shopping centre to beat the heat and have girls playing in the shopping centre play areas for three or four hours. There was a mummy-daughter shopping trip that was promising to be a wonderful pre-Christmas shopping trip but ended prematurely when the heat and the sunlight and the people and the noise and the noise and the noise and the noise caused poor C to be so overwhelmed she was nearly vomiting. 

There was mummy cooking more. This makes me happy but also oh my goodness the stress of trying to prep dinner just before taking girls outside when it is shady enough but they are definitely at the point of the day when they need to be outside it is real, this stress, and I finally worked out the need to prep dinner way, way earlier, like at lunchtime sort of earlier and then we managed to have maybe three nights at the end of the holidays where it was not so stressful. 

Baking, both together and partially together and managing to do some on my own as girls were doing their own thing. Relishing this together time while also simultaneously finding the stress of having girls fight over the ladder and the step stool and whose turn it is to tip or stir or taste and that moment when you realise you need an ingredient which requires you to leave the preparation area because you don’t have extendable arms so there will be at least one child unsupervised next to uncontained ingredients and stove knobs.

Craft. Not as much as there could be because the mess is a big factor. Also not as much as there could be because then once they have finished gluing coloured pasta shapes to cardboard or gluing cotton wool to a plastic bottle with fairy lights inside it or making glass jars into tea light holders (actually those are quite lovely) then we have all those things in our place needing places to live because of course they cannot ever be thrown away or repurposed. They are Special. 

There were regular trips to the library. I had neglected it somewhat because I feel libraries are a place of calm, for order, for quiet, and this is all the things my girls are not. Plus the lack of cooperation when I say it’s time to go meant it was a very stressful place and experience for me. However, the last few months I gave it another go and it is such a hit. The children’s area with its pretend cafe and its wall games and big armchairs and ‘doctor computer’. New and colourful and attractive and enticing books. Row upon row of chapter books for C. Indoor drinking fountains. The rituals of borrowing books and returning books.

“Hey Siri, play rock and roll music.” “Hey. Siri. Play … STOP! HEY. SIRI!!!!! PLAY. ROCK. AND ROLL. MU. SIC.” As it turns out, I have three rocking rock chicks. Especially E. They love Kiss and Queen and ABBA. All girls can now activate Siri on the HomePod. They are expert at requesting movie soundtracks and have been practising other options like Mamma Mia and I Was Made For Loving You Baby and Rock And Roll All Night. The HomePod is now unplugged as turn taking took a dive and there are only so many times I can listen to children shouting at Siri and then listening to We Will Rock You (much as I love it).

New indoor climbing equipment and balloons and outside time with balloons and scooter and tricycle and ride-on car and playing mermaids and jumping in the massive swimming pool puddle that forms when it rains a lot and the mud oh my goodness the mud that I have had to clean up because when it’s available it is the most favourite thing for the girls ever in their lives.

Even though this feels like it is over, it’s also not really over. All these things will still happen, will still be happening, for the next little while. Weekends still exist. Sick days still happen. We just have all the added extras of school and lunches and activities and girls not having to be in each other’s faces most of the time. 

Annnnd breathe. 

A Snapshot of S Aged 2 Years and Nearly 5 Months

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At the front of our place, there is a wall. It is one of those walls that is there to denote the edge of the property before it becomes council property. It is low – knee height sort of territory – and has four stepped sections as the land slopes towards the train line and the shops and the street at the end. As I use our outside area for outside playtime for girls when I need to – which lately, it seems, is more often than not – I have spent much time on and around that wall. 

Someone doing a longterm time-lapse from the other side of the street would have seen me sitting on the high end, learning how to play with my girls, being pregnant and not pregnant and pregnant and not pregnant and then holding new babies. Walking beside toddlers holding their hands as they brave walking along the wall and then walking beside them just to be there if they took a misstep as they did it “all my byself”.  There have been countless games of ring-a-ring-a-rosy just inside the wall. Millions of bubbles. Girls have learnt how to roll down hills there. I have been a doctor and a patient and a burger shop customer and an ice cream customer and an ice cream store helper. Princess parties happen there. Pretend ambulances blare their sirens as a team of pint-sized paramedics and doctors and nurses attend the apparently-suddenly-injured, fixing broken legs with bandaids and upsets with lollipops. Mermaids swim down the hill. Girls have learnt to scoot. All three girls now race a scooter, a Minnie Mouse ride-on car and a flamingo tricycle down the path then haul their current vehicle back up the top to do it again.

S is in the phase now of wanting to walk on the wall. If I take out my phone to catch a memory of her rainbow sparkly headband matching her rainbow sparkly sandals, or the tiny hairs framing her face being set off in the afternoon sun, or a curl escaping from its hairband, or her little hand holding mine tight, she points her left hand with all the force of an exorcist and growls “NO PHOTOS” so I am forced to take mental snapshots and write down what I can.

“Mummy, help!” “Mummy, hol’ my hand”. “Mummy, BIN MEEEE” (catch me as I jump off and spin me around and around as I look up at you with glee and laughing eyes until you put me down all dizzy). “I walk”. “Mummy, come on!” “I got you”.

Walking confidently, holding my hand. Confidently, yet clutching me tight. Looking for the moon and pointing with excitement when it’s spotted. Brushing hair out of her eyes. Watching trains trundle by or whizz by. Doggies. Waving at most people who are walking past. Making most people who are walking past smile, changing them from downcast, everyday drudgery faces to lighter, happier faces who often smile and say “hello” in return and sometimes even stay for a chat. Approaching each stepped edge of the wall cautiously, left hand coming across to clutch my top as she gingerly steps down and breathes out as she is safe and releases her grip. Arriving at the end of the wall and jumping off, sticking the landing. Looking up at me, half-laughing, as she says, “Mummy, come on!” Laughing to the point of almost falling over as we both run up the hill to do it all again.

S is so, so independent. She is so sure of herself, and advocates for herself and those around her admirably. “I don’t want to eat that”, “Nuh-uh”, “That’s not fair”, “THAT’S MINE”, “My turn”, “You turn”, and so many more phrases, are all heard on a regular basis. She also still apparently feels that, despite her advanced language skills, she often has to stick up for herself by scratching and biting. That aspect I find incredibly challenging to deal with, and E – the usual victim – is getting jack of it. On the upside, though, through her grins in the aftermath she will say sorry, then “You okay? You need ice pack?” So there’s hope yet.

I know she will outgrow the biting and scratching. I hope she does not outgrow sticking up for herself and others. I know she will outgrow elbow dimples and toddler shoulder muscles and plump cheeks and tumbling hair and cautious steps and needing to hold my hand and needing me at all, really, so I am here for all of it, and enjoying the cuddles and the beautiful strong personality that promises to be as forceful as a river.

Bluey’s World. For Real Life.

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Way back last year, when we found out that Bluey’s World was going to happen for real life, Glenn and I knew we would want to take the girls. But this was not the kind of thing we could just finance for a “What are we doing today? Hm I dunno, let’s maybe go to Bluey’s World” kind of thing. Five of us would be a substantial outlay. That, along with the strong desire (and need, really), to keep THINGS to a minimum, resulted in the main Christmas present being One Whole Family Trip To Bluey’s World.

The gasps! The excitement! The “For real life!”s! We were cereal.

Every. Single. Morning. Since Christmas Day. The first thing E has done, even while barely awake or seemingly even approaching awake, was to ask, “Are we going to Bluey’s World today?” And when the answer was “No, not today”, that was such a hard thing for an excited 3-year-old to bear. 

But Thursday was the day. Wackadoo!

We had afternoon tickets because a), it was cheaper, and b), even though I feel I now have a good handle on getting girls up and ready to get out the door for whatever it is by 8 (ish), I didn’t want to have that panic of getting girls up and ready to get out the door with all of the extra things that I knew we would need for a big trip like this one. The downside, of course, was having to deal with very excited girls who are almost at the thing they want to be at. “Are we going to Bluey’s World today?”  “Yes!” “Yay! When are we going? I want to catch the Bingo ferry. Are we going today?” On repeat. But eventually we were out the door, with S walking for the first time until we were on the train.

I’m not here to give a review. I’m not here to recap what you already know if you’ve already been. I’m not going to give any spoilers if you haven’t yet been but plan to. I am here to put down those little elements special to our family.

Elements like our girls being the life of the party, totally engaged with the experience. Our girls being the kids who screamed – SCREAMED!!! – with excitement, several times. Our girls who were jumping with joy and delight that couldn’t come out any other way. Our girls who were first through each entrance. Except for that one bit with the TV, which held S entranced.

Elements like the lights catching E’s purple dress and turning her ultraviolet and sparkly. S wearing the romper I made for E two years ago which is from licensed Bluey fabric and having staff delighted with her outfit. C’s skort twirling as she jumped and danced.

Elements like the joy of finding only some of the many, many details that make this experience, just like Bluey episodes, so much more layered and complex than what it could have been if they weren’t, you know, the team at Bluey.  Long dogs? Check. Little squiggles of grass? Spotted. Bins? Oh yeah.  Food in the kitchen? Nicely played.  Purple underpants? Haha, yes.

Elements like the bits of the house that I didn’t consider as a part that we would see, but see them we did and use them, too. Like the Flatpack swing – heaven. The little indoor tent with seats that, as soon as I saw it, I knew at least one of my girls would be in it already and sure enough, S was having a lovely sit and think.  Stumpfest. Sandpit (thank goodness, not real). Pedaly, two of them, with a granny in each. Bin chickens (thankfully, not real). Yoga ball. Bones.

(I admit, I also cried. Like, a lot. I often tear up or outright sob when watching Bluey so I really shouldn’t have been surprised but still. There was that bit with Chilli and I was suddenly overwhelmed.)

Elements like S being totally unphased by so many people and not being next to a parent the entire time. E being totally full of beans and cheeky and sassy the entire trip. C being totally overwhelmed with excitement but also anxiety about the ferry and where everyone was every step of the way and making sure E and S were within sight and then holding a hand and showing them something they may have missed.

Elements like the gift shop madness. By this stage, S was in the play area (where she played for a good 40 minutes with no need for parental intervention and was devastated when she was pulled off the play equipment when we really needed to start heading home). E and C were both adamant they wanted a Floppy plushie. I was adamant that that was not going to happen. In the wake of their very best Please Faces, I was able to remind C that they were $35 each, and I would have to buy one for each girl, and that means three of them (also internally thinking of the space taken up by three Floppy plushies), so how much money would that be? And a moment later, “$105! Oh I see”, and she was off on a mission to find less expensive toys. I felt we did well in Alfie’s gift store. Something for each of us, plus activity books for the girls to share, and it came in at a reasonable price that I had mentally budgeted for when planning the outing. The person before me at the register? More than three times that amount. Good for her, but I also had a mini panic and mental recalculation before approaching the register.

Needless to say, we were all absolutely knackered when we arrived home. I even made S get out of the stroller and walk a little to keep her from fully falling asleep. Did I think girls would sleep early? Yes. Did I decide to have dinner after they were asleep because I thought they would be asleep early? Also yes. Did girls go to sleep early? Of course not. I ate my dinner at about 8.45. Was it worth it? Absolutely.

How to do this

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Thinking I’ll get back to the blog this year is all very well, but how? How can I find time in my life to get my thoughts out and write about all the stuff of our life? I had thought that after children were asleep would be the go, but no. That is turning into grownup conversation time – you know, the chance to talk about the little things of our day or that we’ve come across while scrolling and not have small people wanting our attention or needing our help or screaming about whatever it is that they are screaming about now.  (It seems at least once a week I come across something on Instagram demonstrating how hard it is to talk with another adult when you have children around. It’s like watching a movie of our family). Plus, I’m often now falling asleep on the floor in the girls’ room so that they can all feel safe when they go to sleep. Amazing, sure, but it really cuts into Me Time.

So, how? Recently I have started to make changes in my life. I have been just a little bit overweight since just before becoming pregnant with E and nothing I was doing seemed to help. I started a course that is helping me lose weight but also helping with life. It is all about small habits that can stick and become just what you do. My big block to losing weight was exercise. I couldn’t exercise the way I wanted when I wanted because children were around and Glenn works random hours so I couldn’t get into an exercise habit. But I made myself work out how I could find time to exercise every day and realised that, actually, getting up at 5.30 and going for a walk is totally my thing so that’s what I do now. An extra habit to help this is to put my walking clothes in the bathroom the night before. The girls know now that if I’m not there, I’m walking, and they are fine with daddy and jigsaw puzzles and books and Bluey.

Over the weekend I thought of what I was wanting to write about next and felt stymied when I just couldn’t do it. So I had a think. How was this going to work? When am I going to find time to write? Well, before the exercise. I can definitely wake at 5 and make myself a cup of tea and enjoy a bit more Me Time before going for a walk. It has the same drawback as trying to do a home workout, in that in the last 15 minutes, for example, I have investigated E whimpering (needed the quilt back over her) and thought that S was waking up and would therefore need me and then be all delightful and excited to be up and going for a walk with me but I think her random cry of ‘I GET UUPPPP’ was actually the flipping around in the cot sound and she might be back asleep. I will check in a moment.

So there it is. New year, new habit. Will this last? I hope so. Do I feel excited about this? Definitely for real life sure as sure. Will I manage to go to bed earlier in order to counter the earlier wake? We’ll see.

Update: S was fast asleep. Plus, I was much more energetic on my walk because I had been awake for a bit already instead of stepping out, bleary-eyed, trying to wake up while I exercised. Winning.

To Stop Time

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I love a good short story.  Getting lost in a good book is one thing, of course, but a well-crafted short story is a gem.  One in particular I remember from my high school years is about a watch that will stop time for all eternity if you click a button, but nobody ever chooses to stop it.  There’s always something to look forward to.

But.

There ARE bits of my life that I want to make sure I remember forever, that I want to etch in my brain and my memory and my soul for all eternity.  

Like Sunday morning.  

I was too sick to go anywhere so we were stuck at home.  We asked Siri to play some music – Coco, maybe, or Mamma Mia! – and the girls started dancing.  Dancing in our cramped and messy living room.  Dancing to the music and as their souls dictated.  E, with her moves very much from the heart, turned to me and motioned for me to pick her up and dance, and so I did.  We did.  The joy on her face and in her body, her smile that lights up the world and stuns my soul, holding her tight and swinging around as she held on and bubbled over with the delight of it, THIS was one of my almost-time-stopping-worthy moments.

Even though life is really hard right now, with all sorts of outer stressors on top of parenting three young children and the tired have I mentioned the tired the tired is sometimes so overwhelming it is breathtaking but even though we are just, only just, coping in many areas of our lives, this is a really beautiful time.

We have three girls who are all emerging as the next reveal of themselves.  Does that make sense?  S is learning and practising all these new skills, like the alphabet song, and asking if we want to hear Baa Baa Black Sheep before launching into the first few lines, and saying so many words and animal sounds, and walking around with a skirt or bandanna or quilt over her face and only occasionally walking into a wall, and trying to dress herself by putting everything imaginable over her legs, and climbing onto the bed and pretending to sleep on my side, and climbing into her cot, and climbing out of her cot, and putting on shoes and socks and taking them off.

E is practising ballet, and speaking her own mind, and doing pretend play where I am the baby and she will kiss me goodbye as she goes off to work then I’m the doctor and need to put a bandaid on her broken leg, and pretending to swim around our backyard sea as a mermaid, and getting dressed “all my by-self”, and only wearing undies unless she’s at home, and recognising more and more letters and telling me which number is which and making me a cup of tea by pressing the button on the kettle and choosing a tea bag and putting it in a cup for me then, if necessary, using her muscles to lift the 3L milk bottle out of the fridge.

C is reading, reading so well that I suddenly have to be careful if she comes in when I am working, and still talking talking talking all the time, and building breathtaking cubbies (thanks, Bluey!), and loving her weekly maths challenge folders, and showing me her developing skills in Irish dancing, and loving chess, and building small things with even smaller building blocks that I keep finding one of in random places on the floor, and being very attached to a particular toy for a few days before becoming obsessed with a different toy, and laying out her pyjamas on her bed once she is dressed in the morning.

They are all at a stage where they can play together.  Or play independently.  I mean, play independently within our family rules, like using scissors for approved paper only, and … actually, that’s the only one I can think of that really works.  “Stay out of mummy and daddy’s bedroom”, “Only use nail polish if mummy says it’s ok and then you must use a towel and then stay in the bathroom for a few minutes for the polish to dry is anybody listening oh never mind”, “Clean up after yourself”, “NO PINS”, “Doors are not for playing”, and “No jumping from the sofa to the – too late” are all rules that are apparently just there “for funsies”.  

It is chaotic, gloriously chaotic.  It is hard work.  It is so heartwarmingly delightful as well as maddeningly infuriating, like having a little one sleeping in bed with you and hearing them giggle in their sleep right before kicking you in the face.  Absolutely wonderful, making my heart sing and want to stop time but also, what will it be like when…?  

Saturday Morning Art Time

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We’ve had so many changes lately. Just since the start of the year, there has been C no longer at daycare, C starting school, lunches and baking and sickness and pickups and drop-offs and dinners and uniforms and homework and new friends and old friends in new contexts. This last week I have added to the upheaval by insisting on changing up the sleeping arrangements which has meant clearing space here in order to have space to move furniture out of that room to there and other things moving down to the garage just for now. A lot of change. 

And I have 3 very sensitive girls. 

One way my girls destress is through watching shows on ABC Kids, which works well until E decides she’s tired of an episode or a show and takes control and changes things. Or the internet stops working. Total and utter devastation.

Another way my girls destress is art. Colouring in. Painting. Making pictures. Drawing. Colouring the easel (or table or tiles or walls).

After school tends to be a screen time snack time veg out session. Sometimes there is homework or dancing or ice painting too. Saturdays I was just letting roll along, until last week. We needed nappy liners and milk, so I took the girls to the shops.

It was horrible.

I can’t remember any particulars, just that it was horrible. Once we were home, and things had calmed down somewhat and children who nap were napping, I realised that C’s behaviour was a sign of needing time out. That, I can accommodate.

I suggested Saturday morning become an Art-Time Time-Out and she was delighted. 

This weekend was our first Saturday Morning Art Time session. C drew fairies all morning, while telling me allllllll about fairies in general and these fairies in particular and their names and how they were all related and then cutting them out, very carefully, with her scissors.

E joined in with her new washable paints. Mostly by painting her body and tablecloth and high chair, followed by a bath. 

I had much happier girls. We had a much more relaxed and calm Saturday. I found out little snippets of other things that had happened at school, new signs she had learnt, a new song, games she played, that she has evolved in her art style just in the last few weeks, that she seems to like names that start with ‘L’. All of the fairies have names that start with ‘L’. 

So it is decided. As much as possible, we won’t be doing mundane things like shopping on weekends. Instead, art.

I’m always up for new ideas, too. Do you have a way that helps your school kid destress on the weekend? Do you have a favourite art activity to do with young children? I’d love to hear about it in the comments!

In other news, WordPress kept reminding me about adding a payment or donation button. Last week, I finally sorted it out. If you would like to send some funds my way, thank you! Every little bit really, really helps. I’ll probably have different text for different contexts but we’ll see how creative or apt I can remain. Ha. 

Help fund our art supplies – thank you!

A Comparison of Sleep

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Things that make me laugh: an inexhaustive list.

My husband impersonating one of our girls.

C doing a funny walk.

E telling me she hasn’t played in the sandpit at daycare when I now have sand all over the parts of me that just gave her a cuddle when picking her up.

S chuckling as we tickle her tummy.

A bush turkey putting its head down trying to be inconspicuous while running away from us.

Me doing a weekend of baking for lunchboxes and the freezer and then C telling me how delicious everything is and could she please have a ham and cheese sandwich for lunch tomorrow.

People asking me if my girls are different from each other.

I mean, really. That one really gets a belly laugh. They could not be more different. I could write this whole blog, a post every day, on how different they are.

For example, sleep. Sleep is rather on the brain right now as we are in the midst of clearing space to move furniture to change the sleeping arrangements. And E is apparently in the process of dropping her nap. And S is definitely maturing in her napping.

So, without doing a blow-by-blow, here are some thoughts on how my girls differ in terms of sleep.

C. Terrible sleeper as a baby and toddler. I know she DID sleep because I have photographic proof, but there is very little memory of it. Most of my recollections of her aged 3-14 months are surrounding sleep. Please sleep. Why don’t you sleep. The guide says you should be asleep now. Awake now. HOW ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?!?! Ahem. Feeding to sleep. Patting to sleep that only worked a little so back to feeding to sleep. The energy I burned trying to rock her to sleep. The bliss, the relief, that I still feel like it was this week, when she dropped her nap altogether the weekend before she turned 2 so then went to sleep at night without drama or fussing or hours and hours of feeding and chatting and stories and music and feeding and patting and feeding.

E. Beautiful sleeper. Slept, without me having to cajole her or do anything except put her down, exactly when the guide said she should. Would start screaming if she needed to be asleep and I was holding her. Handsies (and occasionally, footsies) to fall asleep. Overnight wakes easily resettled with a dummy or, once or twice a night, a bottle. Things get tricky (mummy gets frustrated and cross and bewildered) when a nap is being dropped and my usually-easy sleeper suddenly resists and stuffs around and is quite happy but also awake when perhaps they should be asleep.

S. I think of her now as my possum baby. Very much driven by awake times instead of clock times. Only now, at 6 months, is she settling into a predictable pattern with a shorter nap in the morning and a longer nap at lunchtime and not usually an afternoon nap. And, for a few months now, has slept most nights for about 12 hours, from after her bath (sometimes with a bottle, sometimes not) until 5 or 6am. It. Is. Bliss. I’m not stuffing around with those naps. This is a baby who sleeps when she needs to sleep, who settles fairly easily if put down when tired but not overtired, who can resettle herself in longer naps and overnight. I know it may not last, and I am hoping hoping hoping that it doesn’t change too much when the sleeping arrangements are given an overhaul in the next few days, but I am astounded and delighted and amazed that I have a baby who does this. 

Buy me a coffee

She’s Only One

/ annamurray / Leave a comment

Is it possible? Surely not. E turns two in less than two weeks. This small person, who takes up so much space in our lives and our hearts, who is showing so much development and growth on new levels every day, who is so capable of so so much – she’s only one.

This small person, who loves drawing and painting but not so much on paper, who will maybe draw a little bit on a scrap of paper before scrunching it up and, preferably, dipping it in any nearby spilled water before sliding it to the floor then dropping all the pencils to the floor while saying ‘uh-oh’ as she watches each one hit the floor. Who will tell me each colour as she chooses it, or asks for it, or hands me the pot or the tube saying ‘blue, lid, o? Peeeeese’ with fists up and out and elbows in. Who consistently goes straight to mixing blue and red then tells me, when I ask, that her favourite colour is pur-pur. 

This small person, who is turning babble and nonsense syllables into understandable sentences. Who has evolved from the very sincere, very dramatic, totally unintelligible streams of sound. Who will now say ‘nigh nigh, wub youuuuu’ or ‘she you layer, love you’ and totally and utterly melt my heart. Who will go to the step ladder and hold its side and say, with a Please Face to rival Bluey, ‘mih?’ (mix), hoping that I will consent to some baking. Who will be dancing at the kitchen entrance, be asked to take C’s water bottle to her, have it handed to her from the freezer, and toddle – that particular toddler movement that is faster than a walk but not quite a run – look down at the bottle in her hands and exclaim ‘ooh, fweezy col!’ Who will spend a good 10 minutes of a post-school-drop-off walk singing out ‘daddyyyyy…. Where are youuuu?’ Or tell me, pointing at daddy’s sofa, ‘daddy were’ (daddy work). Or go to where she thinks I am, exclaim ‘huh!’ when I’m not there and then call ‘mummy…. Where ARE you???’

This small person, who will see that daddy has snacks in the kitchen and she will run away down the hallway to the bedroom while saying, almost to herself, ‘co’ (cot’), coming back to a slightly mystified daddy to put on that Please Face again for some chippies please as she has just put her dummy in the cot, where it belongs. A pant of excitement, ‘dadyou’ (thank you), and toddling off with her cracker or chip or blueberry to sit on one of the child-sized chairs to eat her prize. Who will hand you her finished yoghurt pouch saying ‘hinny’ (finished’) or just go to the kitchen and put it in the bin herself. Who will amaze her daycare teachers by clearing her plate and cup after eating. Who will ask, repeatedly, day after day after day, for ‘ah, ah, oooh?’ Which is, of course, an ice cube? And she will often make sure she has her bowl (‘bo’) for us to fill with ice cubes.

This small person, who will climb onto our bed, or remove a lid, or reach something we thought was out of reach, and exclaim ‘I did it!’ Who will be in the bath and lean out and point to toys and when I get it wrong will say ‘no-no’ and keep pointing to what she wants without getting frustrated until I get it right and she nods excitedly and takes it saying thank you. Who will be holding something and say ‘ready, deddy, gooooo’ and you just have to be aware that she is about to throw and she can really throw and although she often throws down the hallway she sometimes just throws a plastic play picnic plate across the living room to clock you on the nose. 

This small person, who loves loves loves singing and dancing. Who will hear the start of the Encanto! soundtrack and seize up in excitement, shake her hands in front, and sing and dance along to the music. Who will scream GOOOOOOOOOOO!! like a banshee at the same point, every time, in Let It Go. Who will sing, in tune, the last word or two in most of the songs from a handful of Disney movies. Who will sing the last word or two or three of every phrase in her favourite tv show tunes.

This small person, who knows her way around an iPad. Who will say, with that killer Please Face, Bluey? to ask if she can watch shows. Who will ask to get out of the cot when it is still too early for anything, give me a cuddle, ask to get down, pick up the iPad from the chair, try to pull my charging cord from my phone but allow me to do that so I can plug it in to the iPad then unlock it and launch ABC Kids. Who is only allowed to use an iPad for ABC Kids and can pause an episode and press the X to exit that episode and press the arrow to go back to a different selection of shows. Who apparently has favourite episodes of certain shows, and regularly picks (saying the correct name) ‘Dark’ for Bing, ‘Rain’ for Bluey, ‘The Dentist’ for Peppa Pig. Who is actually only allowed to use it for ABC Kids but has been known to leave that app and launch all sorts of other apps including, her favourite, the Music app when she sees the Bluey icon up there but will get upset because she actually really wants to keep watching Bluey and not just listen to the music. Who has been known to get the split screen happening. Who will quite confidently get onto the YouTube app and start scrolling through Cocomelon and Wiggles and Laurie Berkner and Super Simple Songs and Frozen and Frozen II and Moana and Encanto! 

This small person, who mostly likes to just wear a nappy because the weather is hot, but can take off that nappy and say ‘toi, lee?’ and then goes through all the steps of going to the toilet before running away from any fresh nappy, squeak-laughing with mischief all the way. Who can half get her own clothes off and on. Who gets herself in and out of the bath with ease, whether or not it’s what she actually wants. (I know. Toddlers.) Who replies with utter mischief and cheekiness. Hm? Whaaaat?! Lear-lee! (Really!)

This small person. She’s only one. 

In a Rare Spell of Calm

/ annamurray / Leave a comment

These days are hard, you know? As I write this I am enjoying a rare spell of calm: big girls are watching ABC Kids on my iPad and not getting in each other’s way, I’m brewing a cup of tea and have just had the most delightful cuddle coo and smile session with my littlest. I am also permanently tired, yesterday finished at 11pm(ish), there was a toddler feed just after midnight, today started at 4:10am, I have a good whack of baby vomit on my shoulder and toddler snot on my skirt and smears of peanut butter here and there and very little patience for the rude behaviour that my biggest girl is exhibiting I think in anticipatory nerves about big school next year. Yikes. 

There has been so much in our life in the last few months. Much of it medical, some of it wonderful and some… not so wonderful. But it all makes a life, all makes our life. 

There has been Covid and associated hospitalisation and worry and never-ending coughing and rivers of snot. There has been the birth of our new baby, still very new, still amazement in my head that she is here and we are now a family of 5 but also that feeling that she was always meant to be here and now she is. There has been post-surgical infection with hospitalisation and worry and intense pain and weeks and weeks of nurse visits and reinfection and more pain and more antibiotics and being attached to a machine that flashes and buzzes and cannot get wet. There has been brain fog, intense brain fog that wasn’t really apparent until it started to lift. The sort that had me finally filling in the enrolment form for C for next year and stopping at the very first item – Name – and not being able to work out which name to put there. The sort that has me unable to do the simplest of crochet rounds. I no longer take for granted the ability to think things through and remember to respond to people and do more than one thing in a day.

I’m hoping that our medical life can go back to normal now. I’m hoping I don’t have to be at the doctor again until the 4 month checkup at Christmas. I’m hoping I can have more space to enjoy this time, hard as it is. 

Space to enjoy and marvel at the new life that has joined us. Such a new person, with hair and eyes and nose and chin and cheeks and amazing fingers and soft skin. Space to enjoy snuggles with a little bundle, plump tummy with relaxed floppy arms and legs bent, heavy head falling into my shoulder. The warmth of a little baby, so new and delicate, needing to be close. Space to discover little things like eyelashes and eyebrows and hair and eyes and fingernails and toenails and elbows and dimples and facial expressions.

Space to enjoy and delight in her big sisters being big sisters, stroking her hair and replacing a dummy and holding her hand and getting down on the floor with her in tummy time and feeding her a bottle and being excited to see her in the mornings and after daycare. 

Space to enjoy and be present in play. Taking all the girls outside or to the park, baby asleep in the carrier, big girls running around and dancing and scooting and walking along walls and picking leaves to give me ‘money’ or make me a ‘cake’ and doing ring-a-ring-a-rosie and removing sandals before standing on prickles then looking at me with a wobbly lip of betrayal. 

Even though today has been tough, I am sitting here writing while the baby sleeps in her bassinet nearby and the big girls are playing calmly together with blocks and I have tears in my eyes, happy tears that this is my life. How lucky am I?!