young family

I am in the ocean. A wave will approach and I can see it approach and I can feel the inevitability of its arrival, the crash as it breaks over me, the busyness of the swirling water, the pull as it returns to the ocean only to be replaced by another after a brief spell of calm. It is glorious, delightful, exhausting. When the sand beneath my feet starts to crumble things begin to be unsteady. Move too far away from the shore and there is zero respite from the energy required, no breaks even when there is no crashing wave because just to stay alive means staying on top of everything, treading water or clawing back to the surface.

Floating is not an option.

This is parenthood, family life for us right now. There are things I would love to do but even getting everyone to the shops (a 10 minute walk) is momentous these days. And although I love love love this ocean, it is hard to contemplate swimming farther afield. Swimming farther afield involves carrying, to varying degrees, children. I was never great at towing people when lifesaving.

A few weeks ago, Glenn applied for a few days off work. We could go on a holiday! Take the girls to the Gold Coast and let the younger two experience the beach for the first time! Or, ok, maybe not as far as the Gold Coast but maybe the Wynnum and Manly foreshore. Or, yeah, being more realistic, maybe South Bank? And its fake beach? Yeah.

In the end, while feeling like it may involve a mammoth amount of organisation, I didn’t prep anything at all beforehand. No hours the night before prepping snacks, nappy bag, towels, sunscreen, spare clothes, hats, drinks. We managed to do all of that in the morning – and still leave in the morning. Amazing.

When there, we were part of a crowd. Not so much of a crowd that it was unbearable, more like the size of crowd that makes you feel like you are part of the story, some of a whole lot of people doing the same thing at the same time at the same place. A family outing to South Bank on a hot and humid and sunny Sunday summer morning, for some beach time and water experience and ice cream. It felt like we were being … normal.

Did the girls enjoy themselves? Oh. My. Goodness. Did they ever.

C knew what was coming and was excited in anticipation then just loving, absolutely loving, the whole experience of beach with sand and water and splashing and water and playing and water, then crazy fountains with unpredictable water, then ice cream, ICE CREAM!!! She was allowed to have rainbow ice cream, with sprinkles, in a cone, and what’s this? You can eat the cone? And it’s delicious?! Wow!

E had no idea what hit her. A first beach experience. She must have thought this was the greatest bath ever. The screams of anguish as I pulled her out and dragged her over the hot sand onto the hot path were nixed when we arrived at the crazy fountains. The rollercoaster of emotions is such a toddler thing. Total and utter delight when the water worked. Total and utter sorrow when the water stopped. Repeat. Then, annoyance at being contained in the pram again but ooh what’s this? Rainbow ice cream in a cup? With sprinkles? I will eat three mouthfuls. That is all. Thank you but no more.

S was very much S. Fell asleep just before we arrived at the beach, so… no beach for her. Woke when we were at the fountains. Stayed very chill. I held her for a bit and she checked out the trees and the water… and the trees again… (I’m not sure if it’s a normal third child thing, but I didn’t take any – ANY – photos of her. At all. Thankfully, Glenn took some of me holding her. )

Did our girls sleep well that night? Er…. No. I thought C would be worn out, thoroughly exhausted, but still she didn’t sleep until around 8:30. E missed her nap so actually fell asleep in her high chair after dinner, stayed asleep as I picked her out and changed her nappy and put her in pyjamas and got her into the cot but then she was coughing and coughing and waking frequently until after 10pm.

Did we find it hard? Yes and no. It was in some ways, mostly because it was new and different and uncharted territory for us, but we also just got in and did it. No major disasters, or anything crucial left behind at either end, or inexplicable tantrums, or injuries or disappearances or even sunburn. In the post-outing rundown, it seems we did ok.

Did we feel proud of ourselves? Why yes. Yes we did. Our first big family outing, purely for pleasure, to a busy place with lots of people and two potential runners. And, most of all, we made our way to a different spot in our ocean. It was tough, it was different, it required both of us being totally switched on and on board, but it was also really satisfying. We did something that families DO. We made memories. We took fantastic photos. We got out of our comfort zone. Still glorious and delightful and exhausting but so, so worthwhile.

It finally happened. On Monday our big girl started big school. This was the day I had thought about on and off since C was a little baby and we would walk past and I would tell her, that’s where you will go to school. I worried that she might be an anxious school-goer, or that she might be teased for whatever reason, or she might be a trouble-maker. I hoped that she would be keen and make friends and be kind and behave herself.

Last year C went from being keen (the day after her fourth birthday she asked if she was going to school now? Because she was starting school when she was four and now she is four that means she is going to school, right?) to actually a bit unsure about this whole school thing (I suspect when the boys at daycare started playing rough because, well, hormones), to a bit nervous but maybe a little excited … to EXCITED!!! Very excited but also with an underlying nervousness that she wouldn’t name but was apparent in her behaviour that pushed all of my buttons for the whole month and had me screaming into the bedcovers with frustration. Ahem. Gentle parenting has been a struggle lately.

Some things have been as expected. Nervous excitement. Being very particular about crossing off each day in the 2-week lead-up calendar I drew up for her. Wearing her school uniforms as soon as she could.

Some things have been unexpected. Not needing to worry about buying stationery or school shoes or socks or hair accessories. (The school organises all of the stationery for the early years, and isn’t fussy about shoes or socks or hair.) E coming down with a raging cold the weekend before so instead of doing the last-minute things like naming things and taking children to the park for a big play to run out the nerves we were stuck at home with a clingy snotty toddler. Names were hastily put on things for Monday and I managed to make her a sandwich bag, a snack bag, and a bag tag (see my @annlikesmaking Instagram for pics).

Expected: A horrible night before, in which I went from one child to the next until I finally managed to crash into bed at about 2:20am before E woke for the day at stupid o’clock. But, zero problems getting ready in the morning (that one comes with a hefty dose of relief). First Day of School photos being a slight struggle due to sun, so much hot sun, and a reluctant subject who doesn’t really like being in photos by herself anymore.

Unexpected: the delight when seeing any and all other students walking to school, HER school, that morning. The brutality of the hill which is the sort I used to relish for running training but that was when it was just me, a much fitter and lighter me and not the current me, a bit overweight and a bit older and not quite as fit and having to push a double pram with two healthy children up a steep incline while asking an excited 4-year-old to please stop pulling on the pram. The upside of this hill is that I hope to be much fitter and healthier before too long. The downside is did I mention this is Brisbane and this is summer and hoo boy it has been hot and humid this week. Ugh.

Expected? Unexpected? C skipping and jumping with joy once we were inside the school grounds.Carefully searching the bag rack for her name, then the bottle pouches, then being surprised and happy that she is next to her friends from daycare.

A surprise for me that is also unsurprising for me: I am loving school lunches. Photos are happening. Instagram posts will be happening. Recipes are being researched and planned and baked. I am feeling a bit more like a mum.

Unexpected consequence of C being at school: I’m getting to spend more time with E. As it turns out, waaaaaay more time with E than I expected as she has apparently stopped napping. This week. (This has caused bedtimes to be all over the place and I am going a bit crazy but hey…). But before this became apparent, we’ve been having a lovely time. She has, admittedly, watched about a bazillion hours of screen time because she’s sick, but we also managed some baking which was far far less wild when it was just her and me instead of with C as well. Her language has exploded this week too and it’s been amazing to witness all of these new words and phrases and her patience with me as I work out that ‘dar’ is for dark which means she would like to wear the cat sunglasses please (dark for dark glasses). There’s a whole E amazement post coming soon.

Suddenly and inevitably, our lives have changed. Walking to and from school. Prepping school lunches. Washing school uniforms. Meeting other parents. Emails from teachers. Hairstyles. Prepping a drink in the freezer. Afternoon teas. Little snippets of a day, making a new friend, learning the rainbow and the alphabet with Auslan, going all around the school to find a cheeky green sheep. It is harder and easier all at once. I know there will be struggles and trials and situations that require tact or smart parenting or assertiveness but at this stage of her school life, I am loving it, she is loving it, I am relieved, and Glenn and I are so proud of our girl. Our big schoolgirl.

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